We Are Not Forgotten

chapter ten.

The following days were painful. I didn’t know when or if I was going to see Oliver again now that he had gone to Ireland and there seemed to be a hole that had appeared that only he could fill. It took me a long time to fully realise that he was not going to be turning up on my doorstep every day or helping out with taking care of Gabi. My life simply wasn’t going to be the same because unlike when Wilf had left, I was now utterly on my own.

  

The only other friend that I had was Sarah and we weren’t exactly that close to begin with. Besides after what she had started talking about when we went out to dinner, I was still quite reluctant to speak to her. She had her own life to be getting on with anyway.  So I was alone, completely alone. I had no one to help or support me and it seemed almost impossible that I would be able to get a full-time job now, unless I planned to put Gabi in day care or something. But of course, I didn’t have the money for that.

  

“Mummy can we play ponies please?” my daughter whined as she shuffled out of her bedroom holding several rainbow coloured horses in her arms. Despite me wanting to be a better mother to her and spend more time with her, right now I was far too drained to even smile let alone play.

  

“Not now kiddo, maybe tomorrow yeah?” I replied softly, slumping back into the comfortable sofa that I was positioned on.

  

“Ohhh!” She whimpered in response, pouting her lips in frustration. I did not want her to be upset on purpose but I simply didn’t have it in me to play ponies with her. I was done with always putting on an act to seem happy because the truth was I wasn’t happy, so why should I lie to myself?

  

“Mummy is just a bit sad at the moment…” I replied, my eyes flickering open to catch a glance at her sad expression. Her shoulders sagged as I said this and she clutched her toys closer to her body.

  

“Is it because Uncle Oliver was mean to you?” she whispered timidly, obviously quite sceptical to what my reaction would be. Of course, I would never be angry at her for mentioning it because she had a right to know, but still it caused a small ache to reappear inside me.

“Yeah…”

  

She then made her way back into her bedroom without another word and I knew she was upset too. She adored Oliver because he was like an older brother to her and he always used to play with her. So, for him to have been horrible to me must have really confused her.

  

***

  

Despite knowing that I shouldn’t really go to asleep while Gabi was still playing in her room, I still found myself drifting off. My eyelids felt heavy and I was powerless to stop them from falling, thus sending me to sleep. It was something I had been dying to do, if I’m totally honest. However I must have only been asleep for a short while as I soon heard a hushed, little voice sound in my ear.

“Mummy please can we play ponies now, please please please?” Gabi begged. I opened one eye slightly to see where she was and found her face to be practically nose to nose with mine. This caused my eyes to shoot open and she left a small giggle in a sweet tone. No matter how much I wanted to get up and play with her just to please her, my body argued and refused to move. It craved to sleep just a little bit longer.