We Are Not Forgotten

chapter sixteen.

That night was a rough one. The raw emotion I was feeling about being rejected by my own father yet again was practically agonising. I had placed Gabi to bed hours ago. She didn’t seem to be too traumatised by the outburst of her ‘beloved’ granddad. I don’t really think she understood what was happening, which was good. I wrapped her up with Mr Snuffles and told her we wouldn’t be going to see him again. Gabi didn’t care. I did though.

I couldn’t sleep. I laid in the bed in Sarah’s spare room simply staring at the dark ceiling. She had agreed to let us stay another few nights so that we could find somewhere else, but the future was looking dim. Everything just seemed to be getting worse and worse. Even when things began looking positive for one second, it would crumble. It wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t.

  

Why do bad things have to happen to good people? I had never done anything seriously wrong. I had stopped being a reckless little teenager so that I could become a mother and that hasn’t worked out for me either. It was all for nothing. Of course, I would never regret having Gabi but sometimes, for a short time, I wished my life could go back to the way it was. When things were easy and simple, when I had a dad and a boyfriend and a best friend. When I had people who truly cared about me

After ages of simply laying in the darkness, I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to get out. I knew it was probably wasn’t a very good idea. But then Gabi never woke up during the night and besides Sarah and Lloyd was in the house, if she ever did.

So with this in mind, I hauled myself up and began getting dressed, collecting my purse together. I glanced in there quickly and realised I only had fifteen pounds left and a phone I couldn’t use. It was pathetic.

  

Nevertheless, I gripped my purse and began tiptoeing down the stairs. I didn’t know what time it was but I guessed it was rather late. Sarah and Lloyd had both gone to bed ages ago and the house was silent.

Once I reached the bottom, I ever so carefully opened the front door and slipped out. I found it odd that they didn’t lock their house at night, however I think that was the least of my worries. I needed to do something to distract myself. I didn’t care what.

  

Surprisingly, the streets were still quite busy. It was a Saturday night after all; I had sort of expected it. I tried to avoid eye contact with any drunken men, or women dressed like whores. I wanted to find a quiet place where I could simply go unnoticed.

Suddenly my heart soared as I saw a sign outside of the small bar. ‘One free drink for all’ it read. There must be some kind of catch, that offer was too good to refuse. So hastily, I entered the building and made my way to the bar.

  

“One vodka and coke please” I said to the barman, feeling actually quite excited. I hadn’t had a drink since the wine I had drunk with Oliver all that time ago. I really needed one. I wasn’t too worried about getting drunk either, because it was only one drink and I didn’t have the money to buy anymore.

  

“There ya go love” The barman smiled, handing me over my free drink. I thanked him before practically gulping down the refreshing alcohol in one go. It burnt my throat slightly but it was a good feeling. Sometimes it feels oddly good to hurt. At least I was feeling something.