We Are Not Forgotten

chapter nineteen.

I couldn’t believe it. I honestly could not believe it. This had to be a dream. Yes, that’s right I was still asleep in the booth in the bar, this couldn’t be real life. It couldn’t be.

  

“It’s alright, Carl… you can back off” Wilf said to the barman who looked very disgruntled. He huffed and stormed off back behind the bar, his large arms swinging beside him like an ape.

  

Meanwhile, I was still in complete shock. My heart was hammering against my ribs and my eyes were wide. I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt as though he was a stranger rather than the guy I had been in love with since I was sixteen. It didn’t feel real.

  

“Alright Becca?” He asked casually, throwing his hands into his pockets. He did this when he was nervous. He didn’t know how I would react and neither did I to be honest. I didn’t have much strength in me to scream or rant or cry.

“A-Alright?” I replied in confusion. My voice was croaky. I couldn’t believe that after all this time, he could be so casual. I didn’t know what to say. He must feel some kind of guilt or embarrassment or shame. His eyes scanned over to the pile of suitcases pushed under the table in the booth and raised an eyebrow curiously.

“What’s with all the suitcases?” He asked. I didn’t want to answer him. I didn’t want him to know how much I had failed. I was so angry at him but right now I couldn’t show it because otherwise I would break down. I just knew I would. So I just shrugged and slumped back down on the seat.

“Let me take you back to the flat?” He suggested, noticing how tired I must look. I gulped back my tears as I thought about the flat. Some other family would be living there by now, in our beds, watching our TV, in our home. He had absolutely no idea.

“N-No…” I spluttered quietly. Why was he acting as though nothing had happened? He was acting as though he was simply picking me up from a night out rather than seeing me for the first time in four months. He was simply unbelievable.

  

“How’s Gabs?” He questioned again and this is when I lost it. I didn’t cry because I wouldn’t let him see me weak, not anymore. He wasn’t the person I had fallen in love with. Instead, I merely began to shout although my voice was low and raspy.

  

“How about we talk about where the fuck you’ve been? Or why you left me and Gabi on our own? Or why you hung up when I rang you for help? Or why I haven’t seen you in four fucking months? Huh?!” I had the strongest urge to punch him, but for some reason I couldn’t.

His face was solemn and he didn’t reply. I had so many questions to ask him and I don’t think he really knew the answer to any of them. He was a stranger to me and that hurt more than anything.

  

Silence ensued between us for a prolonged amount of time before I eventually let out a huge sigh,

  

“I-I don’t know who you a-are anymore…” I whispered, standing up and beginning to collect together all of my suitcases. I didn’t know where I would go after leaving this bar but I needed to get away from Wilf. He did not even know the extent of which he had hurt me or how his little disappearing act had affected mine and Gabi’s lives. My heart hurt to think of Gabi and quickly swallowed back the tears again.