We Are Not Forgotten

chapter seventeen.

“W-what? Of course n-not” I stuttered completely shocked by what she has just suggested. I know that the situation didn’t particularly look great but I wouldn’t think she would be the one to jump to such rash conclusions.

“He just said he was giving you money!” She squealed before remembering it was early in the morning and hushing down again.

  

I pulled on my underwear underneath the covers and stood up quickly. I didn’t care that Sarah was seeing me half naked, not right now anyway. I had more important things to worry about. I shot her a bewildered look,

  

“Yeah… but it’s not what you think, I promise” I tried to explain. Looking back on it, I couldn’t exactly blame her for seeing the situation in that way. I was going to accept money from a man I hardly knew right after I had sex with him. It was definitely very suspicious.

  

“I can’t believe you… what about Gabi? Did you even think about her?” She spat, a flicker of disgust in her tone. I remained silent because honestly I had not been thinking of Gabi. I was too drunk.

  

All I knew was that Dominic was going to me money so that I could change our lives around.  Besides I had been the one to ask him upstairs. He had not pressured me or suggested anything that may make look like he was treating me like a prostitute. It was just a casual one night stand with someone who was actually a pretty decent guy. There was nothing wrong with that.

  

“Sarah I know what this looks like… but I swear it isn’t…” I pleaded, trying to get her to see it from my point of view. She didn’t look convinced at all; in fact she looked extremely disappointed. But she didn’t say another word. She merely shook her head and opened the door again.

  

“Okay…” She breathed, not bearing to look at me before she exited the room. Meanwhile I was stood in the middle with only my underwear on. A cold chill rushed past me as the door shut and I hopped back into bed. Sarah was definitely going to kick me out now, I was sure of it.

I pulled the covers over me again and suddenly felt like crying. The alcohol had worn off now and the pounding in my head caused me to feel even more crap. I pinched my eyes shut tightly and attempted to forget. Forget about my dad, forget about Sarah and forget about Dominic. None of them mattered, not really. The only person that mattered to me was Gabi. My innocent and fragile daughter.

***

  

I didn’t sleep at all that night. I simply laid there staring at the ceiling in the dark and thinking about how absolutely terribly my life was going. Why did everyone I cared about leave me? Was I so screwed up that nobody wanted anything to do with me? It certainly seemed that way. No matter how much I tried and how much of a good person I was, life just kept getting worse.

Nevertheless, unable to take my depressing thoughts any longer, I hauled myself out of bed to go and check on Gabi. My head spun as I began getting dressed and I knew I was hung-over. I pulled on my clothes as quickly as possible and stepped quietly into the hallway. Gabi’s room was right next to mine. She had been sleeping in the new babies’ room. Sarah and Lloyd had put a travel cot in there and allowed Gabi to sleep in it, which I thought was considerably generous of them.