It's you

Its not to late

My breathing gets rapid as I hiccup through sobs.when I'm out of sight I run home and slam my door closed sinking down on the other side.pulling my legs to my chest I bury my face into my knees and sob.my mind goes to the places I don't want it to.

I'm a failure

How could I be so dumb

I hate it

I hate him

I hate my dad

And I hate my mom for leaving me here to deal with it

I hate myself

I look up and look around my house.I sigh as I see the mess I've made.I look over at the kitchen,all the food fights as a kid I would have here with my parents.that is before my dad turned to drugs after he lost his job.

A knock on the door takes my attention away from the mess and onto the door.I wipe my eyes and slowly open it.I see Rafe on the other side and he pulls me into a hug. "You ok?" He asks "yeah I'm fine,rafe,what are you doing here?" I ask "Lacey?" I voice makes me pull away from Rafe and I look to see JJ shit.

"So your slumming with Rafe now?" He asks in a hurt way

"No it's not like that" I say frantically then looking back at Rafe. "I was just coming to check on you since what happened at Barry's you seemed pretty shaken up" Rafe explains and I look at him in disbelief then face JJ.

"Barry's?what happened at Barry's?" JJ asked

"Why do you care?" I ask offended

"You go to Barry's with Rafe now what the fuck" JJ says "no it's not like that" I say "then what is it like?" JJ asks crossing his arms.

"What are you doing here J?" I ask ignoring him he huffs "never mind" he grits and walks off "I'm sorry" Rafe says and I roll my eyes shoving him back. "You should leave Rafe"

"B-but-"

"Leave Rafe!I don't want you here!" I shout at him knowing JJ heard and Rafe huffs and walks off.

I look over at the car keys.I feel myself grabbing them walkingto my car.I get in the car and with the blink of an eye I appear infront of Barry's house.

Stop.

What are you doing?

Don't do this.

I get out of my car and walk up on the porch. "Barry,I need something" I say shaking the nerves out of my wrist taking a deep breath to try and get my face back to its normal color and not red a puffy. He smirks and walks in his house.He them walks back out holding a blunt.

"It's on the house" he says handing it to me.I see where he had let the door slightly open.I look in and see my dad and anger feels me again.

I grab the blunt and walk back to the car.I get home and set it on the table looking at it.I then go to my parents room knowing that there is a lighter on my dads side of the bed.

He hid it under the mattress cause he didn't want mom to see it.I grab it and bring it up to my room.i sit down on the other side of my door and put the blunt between my lips and light it.

this reminds me of when I smoked my first blunt with JJ on the boat,and we danced,I told him he was pretty.

Stop.

I take a drag and blow out the smoke.after a few more I feel myself get light and it feels like I'm floating. I hear a knock on the window and i stumble getting myself up and walk over to the window opening it. "Hey Kie" I say with a lazily smile. "Shit" she mutters once she sees my state.

"Lacey,John b told me what happened" she says walking me over to my bed. "I don't wanna talk about it,JJ,he hurt me" I say grabbing my pillow and shoving my face in it. "I know but we need you to come back,and talk to him-"

"No!im not going back,I can't" I shout through the pillow at her. "Lacey,he's nothing without you,he's falling apart at this very moment" she says. I stand to my feet catching her off-guard. "What about me?look at me!" I say pointing at myself and the raising of my voice making her flinch.

"I'm falling apart!my mom died,my dad is sky high right now and he's not coming back!,JJ...h-he...Ugh!Kie I'm sorry to shout but I can't take this shit anymore!" I yell at her.just now realizing that I'm crying historically.she stands up and gives me a hug.I hiccup in sobs.

"I hate him Kie!" I shout one last time.

She lays me on my bed and pulls away,she has tears rolling down her face.she starts walking off to the window. "Don't leave" I mumble but she doesn't stop. "Kie don't leave!" I shout slurring my words again.

"I'm sorry" she cry's quickly getting out the window.

I fall to my knees and scream holding myself in my arms.I bang my fists to the ground sobbing. "Kie I'm sorry!" I yell out even though she's gone and can't hear me. "I'm sorry,okay!" I shout again.That's the last thing I remember of that night.

***

I wake up to the sun shining through my window and onto my body still on the floor.I sit up and feel a giant headache.I shakily get to my feet and walk downstairs.I look at my mess and sigh.I get some headache medicine and take it walking back to my room.

I sit at my window waiting for something to happen as the cool morning air nips my nose.my eyes seem halfway closed as I lazily look around.my face showing no emotion.my phone lights up and I look over and see a text from Kie.

I have no idea what your feeling right now,but I know one thing is that,you can't just leave and you can't just forget,you love him and you know it,and before you think for a second it's to late.trust me it's not.

It read.

I read over the text over and over again.when my phone dings again.

I got you a little something,it's outside ;)

I set my phone down confused.I walk downstairs and open my front door I look on my porch and see a surfboard.I let a breathy laugh.the first emotion of the day.I smile and grab it taking it to my room and setting it on my bed.I grab my phone and text her back.

Thanks,for everything Kie

I text and put my phone down.I look at my board for a second.

It's not to late

Kies text repeats over in my head,over and over again.okay.