Just A Nerd

Chapter Thirty-Seven

LISA

Funny how my life can turn upside down so easily from time to time. I wonder how many roller coasters I have to endure before I could be real happy again. I know as a person, life can't be smooth and beautiful all the time.

However, I am confused as to when I will have those moments again, the times when I was just young and in love despite the fact that I was so insecure and self-criticizing.

Like today when the sky was blue, the flowers bloomed, and Jennie said she would try her best to forgive me and give me another chance, and not to mention the fact that she broke up with Mino already.

Now, it's completely different from what I have expected.

It's dark everywhere, and I fall into a deep pitfall, not knowing when I can come out without getting too hurt, scared that I might not be able to be back as a person I used to be.

Burying my head in my hands, I am stressed and depressed. My mood swing is worse and worse. It's so insane to me when realizing that I somehow get a lot of issues at the time I think I have everything I need.

Then, suddenly my phone rings as I pick it up without knowing who it is.

"Hello, Lisa. Lalalisa, how is it?" The venom in this voice indicates the anger and strangely is so familiar.

I sit bolt upright, knowing the familiar voice. When I am still shocked, not having the gut to respond, the caller continues.

"How does it feel to be abandoned by your lover?"

"You liar!" I shout through the phone when he laughs. "Your accident is a bullshit. You didn't get into any of that tragedy at all. Your strategy to get my wife back is so cheap beyond belief." My anger explodes, hearing his unashamed voice.

How could a man act as if he were in an accident just to get a person he wants?

"Well, well, Lalisa Manoban. Don't sulk now. How is it to feel that way, again? How does it feel when you saw Jennie so caring about me? You see, she is still in love with me. You should know by now." He mocks me again.

I know he wants me to get hurt, but I try my best to not have him his satisfaction. However, I don't know when I would explode from hiding my exasperation any longer.

"I will tell-" I am cut off when Jennie enters the apartment. Then, I run to her. "Jennie, Mino is lying. He was not in any car accident." I rush toward her, bringing the phone to her ear. "Listen to his voice."

Jennie takes the phone and then puts it against her ear for a few moments before giving it back to me, looking as if I am crazy. "No one talks." She throws her purse on the couch, wiping her straining face. "For your information, Lisa. He is in serious condition now. Stop the nonsense."

I widen my eyes, stomping toward her. "Nonsense? You don't believe me, then?"

"What would you want me to believe when Mino is staying on the bed and is not conscious yet? Lisa, please. I am dead worried about him now. Don't make anything more terrible than it is already." She sighs heavily and closes her eyes as tears fall on her cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her cry or get hurt, but it is a lot worse when she cries because she loves and cares about somebody else. She cares about someone else that happens to be a liar. She doesn't believe me.

What can I do, then?

I walk to her, sitting on my knees in front of her. "Jennie, would you calm down, please?"

Squeezing her hands, I continue. "He's not in any dangerous situation. He's just lying. He didn't even in a car-"

"Enough." She gets up, yelling hysterically. "Why are you like this, Lisa? He was in front of my eyes when I saw him. H-he was in a coma. The doctor said he would be in a coma for god only knows how many months, or years will he be able to get up."

I scoff, "Then, let see after he reaches his goal of us getting divorced, how many minutes before he gets up and goes on his knees to propose to you."

A slap stings on my face as Jennie gasps hearing the nasty sound of her hand on my cheek.

The world stops.

She hit me.

She hit me because I said the truth, and she doesn't believe me or even tried to.

"I can't blame you." I murmur.

"Lisa, I-"

"No, you don't have to, Jennie. I am at fault. I am the one who is supposed to say sorry for everything. For breaking your relationship. For forcing you." I clear my throat.

Tears are useless now.

Life is useless now.

I don't need to pretend anymore that I haven't died inside. "I am sorry that I left you. I am sorry. I am sorry. It's all my fucking faults."

"Lisa, please. I am sorry for-"

"No, Jennie. It's not your fault. It's mine. I hate myself so much that I take your happiness away. Now, if you excuse me, I need some time alone." I walk to the door before leaving, I hear Jennie sobbing again.

What the hell's wrong with my life?

I have tried so hard just to be happy, and at the end of the day, I can't find it. Everything I need doesn't belong to me anymore.

Maybe, I need to give up.

Maybe, I need to let her go.

That's the reason that might make me happy, or at least satisfied with myself. She will be happy if we stop seeing each other as wives.

She might be happy if we are just friends.

Without thinking, I walk to my car.

I need to give her something she needs, anyway.

Even if it's too fast for us to end something before it even begins, that's what she wants. That's what she needs.

I must give it up even if it kills me to.