Just A Nerd

Chapter Ten

LISA

"What's wrong?" I ask after a while as she pulls away with her hands covering her eyes. I grab both of her wrists, brushing my thumbs against the backs of her hands in comfort, wanting to give her something that I don't know whether I have it or not.

My eyes widen in shock when I see her tears keep falling because I think that she is already calm down. So, I suddenly pull my hands away. "Sorry," I mumble. Maybe, she needs some time to herself.

I go to sit on the floor as I take off my jacket. It's soaking now, and there's nothing we can do besides waiting for the rain to stop. Jennie looks down at her feet, her hands still trembling. I sigh as I get up to grab her hand to sit next to me. "You don't have to talk or tell me anything now." I murmur when I haven't heard anything from her besides the heavy breath she takes. I glance at our intertwining hands. She still hasn't released mine yet, and I don't know whether I should pull away or not.

A part of me wants to show her that I just want to help her as someone I know, and then we are back to what we were. She might hate me, and I have no right to blame her. Unfortunately, a big part of me enjoys the feeling of her tiny hand against mine so much.

"Lisa." After a while, a statement comes out of her mouth as I glance at her. Her eyes are puffy now. I look at her for more words or sentences or some explanation of why she was running, but again, I have no right, so I just wait.

She looks down. Her face shows no confidence she used to occupy any more. I wonder what or rather someone makes this beautiful creature suffer this much. By looking at her face, I know it's not just a simple thing. A simple problem runs behind her. It's more than that. I want to ask her so much. I want her to use me as her protector. Someone she could lean on when she is sad and down. I want to be like Jisoo, who supports Chaeyoung to the core.

Maybe, it's not the right time to think about this bitterness now because suddenly I feel her leaning on my shoulder. Her breath against my neck. I feel as if she inhales my scent or something, but my thought is cut off when she starts to sob again. "Jennie..." I pat her shoulder, brushing her arm slightly in comfort. "It's okay. I am here." Her grip grows more tightly as she hugs me.

"I wish I could stay like this forever." She says after a while.

I sigh again, but I have no response because honestly, I really don't know what to say since no matter what, the percentage of us ending up together is so small. It's small to the point that I can't even imagine if it could ever happen. "Lisa, can we at least be friends?"

She pulls away, looking at me with her sad eyes. I don't how I could deny her because deep down, I know I do not only want that, I want to be her everything. "You know we can't-"

Then, she turns away, leaving me with an empty embrace.

If she knew how I wish we could stay like this forever, too.

How I could be the only one she could lean on. Someone that could give her everything. Not someone who is so self-conscious about herself. The one that wishes to be with her but not at the same time.

She doesn't know how it kills me when I see her drifting away from me every time.

Anyway, there is only half a year or so before we finish our final year in high school, and then, we will have our lives differently. She will find her ideal lover, whereas I live my life, thinking about her. No matter what, she will always be my high school sweetheart.

"I still don't know why you hate me this much."

No response.

"Last night, I thought a lot about you. About us. Is it that hard to have your classmate as your friend, Lisa?" Then, she turns to me. Her tears fall faster than the last time she ran away from the man.

"Please, Jennie." I plead, not knowing what I plead her about, anyway.

"Please what?" She asks before laughing a bit as she wipes her tears away. "Please, don't be pathetic in front of you? Don't be dramatic in front of you? Please, stop the stupid tears-"

Then, I don't know what happened inside my head before I grab her face for a kiss. Her lips taste heaven despite the salty of her tears. I close my eyes, feeling stupid and happy at the same time. At least, my first kiss would be with Jennie, and in the future no matter how difficult my life will be, I will always brag about my first kiss.

I pull away slightly to look at her, but only to be dragged back. Her hands are on my neck, playing with my nape. After a while, our innocent kiss becomes the hot making out most teenagers adore.

"Jennie." I finally manage to pull back. Then, she smiles despite her tears. Not the smile without hope she did a moment ago. This is a hopeful smile, and I literally run away, knowing that my repulsive action causes her catastrophe again. "Sorry...I-"

"You needn't explain. That's all I want."

"Jennie, don't-"

"No! I don't want to hear any stupid reasons you are going to tell me. If you think that you can play with my feeling that way, you are wrong. I can't let you be so warm and turning cold like that to me. Please, Lisa. You saw that trouble running after me awhile ago. No need to add more stuff on my chest." Then, the terrifying face I saw her a moment ago flashes back.

Her tears do not stop falling as I grab her, wiping her tears with my thumbs. "Don't cry, please."

Then, she hugs me again.

"You want to know why I push you away?" I ask even though I know that's what she wants right now.

"If you think I deserve to know, tell me." She mumbles against my shirt as I close my eyes, taking a deep breath before starting to explain to her.

Everything should be good after this.

So, I begin to tell her.