Just A Nerd

Chapter Forty-Six

LISA

The light is off when I step inside the place I used to live in before. A shiver runs through my spine when my feet touch the cold floor. It seems and feels the same as if I never stop living here. I dread, yet I want to get it over with.

I don't want to be a coward anymore. Anyone who sees me would call me that. I don't blame or complain, partly because that's not what they have been through. No matter how much they tried to put themselves in my shoe, they never get the feeling that I have.

Walking to the living, I turn on the light, taking a quick scan around the place.

Still the same.

It's as clean as before, weirdly enough because I think that Jennie wouldn't want to come back here anyway after I left like a coward I am.

Run.

Run.

The voice inside my head insists.

I always do that. No matter what, I never feel enough. In fact, I don't think I will ever be. The person I love still has me feel that I am not enough. It's not her fault, though. It's my feeling, my insecurity.

It all happened when I wasn't enough for her in high school. It was when I looked at her and her friends and everything that she has that make me feel bad or worse pity toward myself.

Have you ever had a crush on someone, and you wish they treated you badly because you feel like that would make you move on faster?

That reminds me of what I have thought back then.

However, Jennie never treated me badly. In fact, she cares about me. A lot.

Too much to the point where it is almost unbelievable.

I always questioned the world, God himself why Jennie was even talking to me when I had nothing. I was not beautiful, I know. I was not rich. I was never the person she was supposed to hang out with. But, then again, she approached me first.

She makes me realize that no matter how bad the world is, there is an angel that is beautiful and kind to me at the same time. The one that loves me for truly who I am.

I know people would call me cruel for leaving her to pursue my dream.

But...I would never trade those times where Jennie and I spent together before I left her. Those several months were the best.

So, whether our relationship turns sour in the future or not, those moments will never leave me. I love her, and I will always have a place for her in my heart.

Tears fall down, but I don't want to wipe them away. How come my life goes upside down all the time?

My parents do not need me.

It tells a lot about me that I am just a useless thing, maybe.

Brushing the negative thought away as if I could do it, I walk to the bedroom. Jennie is on the bed sleeping. She looks tiny.

I destroy her again and again.

If I stay, will we be able to love each other again?

"Lisa..."

I hear her calling my name as I look down to see her fluttering her eyes open. I nod, slightly smiling. Then, she sits bolt upright and flings herself into my arms. A few seconds passed, and I feel my shirt wet.

When I am out of a few-second trance, her sobs echo the bedroom. "I miss you so much..." Her voice muffled against my body makes me tremble, and my heart falls apart. I close my eyes, then opening it up, thinking that it is just a dream.

And.

It's not a dream at all.

When I lean down to inhale her scent, I smile. It really is her. "I miss you too. I am sorry that I left."

She shakes her head in response. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I broke your heart...I don't believe you, but I never meant to leave you alone. I just wanted to make sure that he's okay. Then, I would be back."

"How is he now?" I ask, trying to avert her attention from the fact that the stupid me left her alone when she would return to me always.

She hugs me tighter. "Don't talk about him. I have resigned from his company already, and I work somewhere else now. We lost contact for a week now, and I would do anything you want as long as you are here. I want you...with me always." She pulls back, smiling exhaustingly.

I cup her face with my bare hands. "You don't sleep. You know, you look even tinier than you were before."

She laughs softly, "I deserved it."

"You don't. I am the one who is always at fault. I always leave you when you need me the most. How can it be your fault, huh?" She still ignores my words, "I am sorry. Would you forgive me, Lisa?"

I sigh, "It's not your fault—"

Shocked to the core, I don't know what to feel as my eyes widen when Jennie grabs my face and slams her lips against me with force. Her tiny hands are on both sides of my cheeks as though she is afraid that I might run away from her again.

Putting my hands on hers, I take them off slowly and stare at her eyes. Her gaze is vulnerable and frightened. "Jennie, you know that I am the one who left you—"

Then, she uses her arms to circle my neck, forcing me to lean down as she kisses me again. Even if she is still tired, her passion she puts into the kiss really impresses me. My cheeks heat up as I try to catch up with her pace. "Jennie..."

"Lisa." She pulls back, sighing heavily. "I want you to be...mine."

When I try to protest, she ignores my claim as she shakes her head and deepens our kiss one more time. "I love you, and you love me. That's what we should have done for so long ago."

I close my eyes, then when I open them again, seeing the affection and love she has for me since high school, I don't know what to do but to give in to our desire.

My hands are on her waist as she smiles against my lips.

As soon as we hit the bed, and I am on top of her. She is out of her clothes, and so do I. When my hands trace her skins carefully and teasingly, her breath hitches as she writhes beneath me with sweat and flush cheeks in shyness and...maybe lust.

The night is full of first times between us.

She touches me, and I do that to her many times.

Even though I don't want to know what will happen to us in the future, after this night, I am sure I would always be the slave of her love.

I won't survive without her.

Because as cringy and bragging as it sounds, I won't forget her ever.

I will love her forever, or at least I will remember her for the rest of my life.

Despite the pain I might get, her taste is all over my tongue, and it will always be there.

It will always taste like her.