A Teen's Diary

My First Come Out to Someone Bodily

I was very bad. I was always thinking bad things, I got obsessed thinking I was bad, that I was born wrong and that I had to change. Ok I had gone very fast, maybe I should tell you why this thoughts invaded me.

Ok. I started to get more along with Thomas. He was the perfect boy for me, we had a lot of comon. Well this was the best time of my journey to self-pride because of the company of Thomas and because of the feeling of being out to someone. I wasn't alone I thought. Yeah, I wasn't I also wasn't victim of any homophobe. Yeah, I wasn't. When I started to see that I was distancing from Rob I started to feel anxious. Here cames another of the worst feelings you can have. Axienty feels like having something veary heavy in your chest and as much as you try you can't set free of that weigh. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. The worst thoughts took over me.

-What if he gets angry with me and tells everyone my secret?-I thought constantly-What if he tells Thomas I love him?

Yeah, I forgot to tell you that, I told Rob I was completely in love with Thomas, who also was his friend. I started to feel very lonely, I started to feel that I couldn't trust anyone to carry on with me and my secret. That thought agravated my anxiety and my feel of loneliness. By this time I joined an LGBT server, which helped me to deal with all my problems. I shared my story and they supported me. I used to talk hours with some friends I made there and more and more I got more self-confident. My LGBT people suggested me to search someone who I could trust and talk about my issues and I did it.

One day I woke up decided to come out to my friend Mia. Mia was someone that had always stood out. She was really kind and I knew I could trust her no matter what, so after a very long day of debating if should really come out to her I did it. I remember it was a Thursday, Thursdays we had classes with the best teacher of the whole school. I used to talk to him a little bit after class with Mia so it  wa the perfect moment to do it. I choosed Mia to tell her my secret because I knew she had always been a very supportive person and that she would understand me. So, it was the perfect moment and I told it to her:

-Hey Mia, you have been asking me a lot who Im in love with- I told her- I know I can trust you so Im going to tell you...

-What's wrong Mike?- She told me- You look very nervous, you have nothing to be afraid of.

-Ok Mia, Im deeply in love with Thomas.

A silence invaded both of us.

- Don't  be shy about that!- She told me while hugged me.

She started to laugh and she told me everything was ok. I knew she was going to acept me but I felt so good when she told me I was ok and that that way of being was not bad. She made me feel a lot better and I knew I could count on her for I anything I needed.