A Teen's Diary

My Name

September 5

Choosing a name of a character is relatively easy, choosing the name of a pet is hard, choosing the name of a new member of your family its very hard, but choosing your name, choosing your name is something that only a few people have thought about, its something bery hard for most of transgender people. For me it wasn't.

The story of my name is very strange, I bet you might be asking yourself, why? The answer is, because I didn't choose my name to be called by it, I chose my name to imprison me. 

I know you are confused, why would you choose your name to lock you up? Well, that is a long story that im going to tell you.

As I have told you by the month of november I was having serious problems accepting me as a gay/bi boy. I was very anxious and my friends didn't helped me so much( they were constantly making homophobic jokes and comments), by that time I was also trying to come out to my parents and dealing with an imposible love with a friend. Overwelming don't you think?

Well as you can see I was overwelmed because of this amount of strong feelings and experinces. I had very strong anxiety, so when I started to realise I wasn't a boy I nearly exploded. It was too much to bear with. I know, by my own experience, that when someone discovers them is transgender the first thing you try to do is to deny it. When I started to realise that maybe I was trans I started to ask myself a lot how I felt. I didn't identified as firts as a girl, I used to identify as a demiboy, so when I first realised that I was a girl I was really schocked and I tryed to deny it.

Semptember 25

At first it was like: Oh no! I can't be a girl, I want to be happy! It was quite hard to think that maybe it was true and that I was a girl, but after a few days I ended accepting it. How I said before, I was overwhelmed, and this discovery was too much for me. By this time I was watching a show of a bunch of mothers that had to deal with a lot of family problems/difficulties. One of the mothers had a transfem daughter and I identified myself with her a lot. So, on one of the chapters of the show that girl chose her name and I thought: I want to choose a name for me. This happened on december of 2020. Now you might be asking yoursef why I said that my name was chosen to imprison myself, well, when I chose my name I was, again, trying to deny my identity so I thought that if only I could name that part of me perhaps I could lock that part up. Spoiler, I couldn't. I used to say that I had a feminine part that was very deep inside me. I don't know if I had explained myself very well, it's quite difficult to me to express all these fellings.

So yeah, I chose my name for a strange reason. 

PD: I've just realised I haven't told my name so, Hello, my name is Andrea.