The Light Inside the Darkness

Chapter Sixteen

The days have begun blurring together as of late I can't even be sure what today is so I'm not even sure what I meant to do as each day has been giving me an exact plan for what is supposed to do for each day. Honestly, if it wasn't for Penelope helping through all of this I would be such a bigger mess than I already am I don't even feel like myself anymore as I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience almost like I am watching my body making orders as I command people with the strength I didn't even know that I had possessed or I am sitting at a desk making more plans or doing our house management or even helping my father with his paperwork. But through it all, my sister has been right there by my side and sometimes she either helps by taking over some of the house management work so I can focus on other things whether it is helping our father with his things or even just other things and she is surprisingly good at it. Or sometimes she just takes care of one of my many projects with the party while I deal with the other things. But through it all, she has honestly been my rock through all of this and kept me together as well as kept my head on straight. As I just feel out of place lately and like my head is constantly spinning I can't help wondering if all of this is even worth it in the first place as I'm constantly worried if any of this will work out anyway. I also worry that despite all of this work I'm putting in for this party what if it doesn't turn out alright or what if it's not a big hit like it is in the twenty-first century?

But most of all I keep finding myself spacing out more often lately and it always keeps going back to him and wondering if what I do even really matters to him. Or if any of it is even worth it to put me through this much torment as I can feel like I'm drowning in my thoughts. I feel as if I'm reaching out for help barely able to hold my head above water as my whole body is being pushed under the water I try to fight it only able to come up for air for a few seconds before being forced back under. I feel the same sense of panic as someone who is drowning as I'm trying to keep fighting it as the realization that I'm going to drown keeps repeating in my head until eventually, I'm unable to keep my head above water and drown.

Soon enough I start coming back to reality as I finally manage to escape my mind now it almost feels like a prison as it keeps sucking me back to the same thoughts that weigh heavily on my chest. I notice as I start back to reality I am cradling my head in my hands I remember right before I spaced out I was trying to massage my head to relieve some of my pain as I have been unable to get rid of this headache for the past couple of days. As I look up I notice that I am currently at the dining table and there is still an untouched plate of food in front of me and I'm sitting across from my sister as we both sit on either side of our father just like we always do. The only difference this time around is that instead of those two talking about something or anything the whole room is completely quiet. When I looked up from my plate and looked at them I noticed they were both looking at me with worrisome expressions. When I saw their expressions I quickly sat up straight and put a fake smile on my face "What's with those worried expressions you two are making." I asked trying to keep everything as light-hearted as possible as I spoke in an almost joking kind of tone hoping to keep them from worrying about me as much as I can.

"Are you okay? You look a little under the weather lately," my sister asked looking at me with a very concerned look on her face. I smiled at her and in a nonchalant tone, I said: "I am fine I was just lost in thought is all. Besides, there is nothing wrong with me besides a slight headache so there is nothing for you to concern yourself with at this moment. There's a lot to be done and so little time to do so." My sister looked at me and I could tell that she is not convinced that my words were true while my father sat there eating his breakfast content on letting us handle this on our own as if he has no opinion on this matter whatsoever. "And that's why I'm worried about you in the first place. I know you and you never take care of yourself. You always put your duties before yourself. You will push yourself until you collapse." I sighed "Trust me I am just fine. As I said previously it is just a simple headache and nothing more so you have nothing to be so worried about." She sighed "That may be true but I will always be worried about you because you are my sister so I have no other choice but to worry about you especially since you won't take care of yourself as you are always worried about everyone else." She then turned to our father and said "I don't think it is a good idea that she keeps working like this at this time. I think she should stay home for a few days just enough to recuperate."