Love Me Again

Chapter 4 - Big Time Secret

It was 11 pm and I've been in my room ever since I ran to it 10 hours ago. I wasn't actually tired, I just didn't know what would've happened if Kendall hadn't walked in and it scared me.

I recently changed into an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts, but I still couldn't get comfortable as I rolled around in bed.

I finally stopped trying and climbed out of bed.

I walked out of the room and down the hallway, trying to figure out which room was Logan's.

I realized outside the guys' rooms there was a big letter hanging on the door, the first letter of their name. I stopped in front of the door that held the L sign up, wondering if I should just go back to my room or not.

Before I could chicken out I lightly knocked on the door, and I started to bite my lip out of nervousness. I heard footsteps on the other side and the door opened to a tired looking Logan.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I said, and he shook his head, rubbing his eyes.

"No, it's fine. What's wrong?" He asked, and I started to quietly snap my fingers as my nerves grew. He looked down and grabbed my hand to make me stop snapping. "Why are you so nervous?" He asked, looking back up at me.

"You asked me about my last relationship earlier, and I couldn't sleep so I figured. . . You probably don't want to hear it anymore, I'll just go to my room." I said, turning on my heel to go back, but he grabbed my hand again.

"I do want to hear about it." He said, and I nodded, turning back around to face him. He opened his door wider, so I walked in. He closed his door and we both sat down on his bed.

"I'm not saying his name." I said, leaning back against his headboard. "But I got with him about a year after we broke up." I paused, looking at him to see him already looking at me. He nodded his head and I took that as a signal to go on. "I was really broken and at first he helped me become me again. It didn't take long for him to changed though." I paused, taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes." He was abusive, verbally at first, but I didn't realize it until it got physical." I admitted as I started to fidget with my fingers.

"How bad did he hurt you?" Logan asked, and I felt his hand on my back, so I turned my head to look at him.

"It wasn't bad at first, until time went on. It got so bad that the last time I saw him, I was lying in a hospital bed, with a broken wrist, a concussion, and bruises everywhere." I said, and I quickly saw Logan's mood shift, while he glared down at the bed.

"What did he say to you?" He asked, and I looked away from him.

"Tons of different names, but bitch was the most common. That's part of the reason why I freaked out on you." I said, talking about punching him.

"Did he ever force you into anything?" He wondered and I didn't speak for a moment.

"He'd always want to have sex but I never wanted to. That's when everything started going downhill, until one time I couldn't stop him. That's the same time I ended up in the hospital. I tried so hard but he did anything he had to, to get in my pants. He's been on the run ever since I saw him in the hospital and had them call the cops." I explained, and he got silent. I looked back at him and he was looking out his windows towards the water. "What are you thinking about?" I asked after a few moments of silence, he looked distant as if he was in a completely different world.

He could never hide anything from me, and he knew that. We knew each other better than we knew ourselves and we have since before we were together.

"I put you in so much pain. If I wouldn't have assumed you cheated on me, then we wouldn't have had a break. Then I wouldn't have gone and tried hooking up with Ava, and we wouldn't have broken up. You wouldn't have gone through so much pain if it wasn't for me." He said, slowly turning to look at me and I noticed his eyes were filled with tears.

"Logan, hey, don't think like that." I said, moving so I was sitting in front of him. I grabbed the side of his face with one of my hands and made him look at me. "You can't blame yourself over something you had no control over. Who knows? Maybe we would've still broken up over something else and I still would've met that piece of shit. Don't blame yourself." I said, searching his eyes and there was sadness and anger running through them.

He took a deep breath before speaking up, "How long were you with him?"

"About a year and a half." I said after doing the math in my head.

"So this ended. . . Last year?" He asked and I nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize over something you couldn't control."

"But I am sorry. I'm was such a dick to you and assumed you were happy with a boyfriend back where you live." He said, and I looked at him before I started laughing. "Why is that so funny?" He asked, but he cracked a small smile as he watched me. "What's so funny?"

"I just think it's funny that you thought I had my life all figured out. As if my life was perfect and nothing could happen to change it." I said, smiling at I thought about it.

"It's what you deserve. You deserve a long happy life with someone who cares about you so much, they'd do anything just to make you happy. Nothing less than that." He said, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Not really. There's nothing special about me to have a perfect life like that." I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Are you kidding me?" He asked, and I just looked at him, "You're perfect in every way possible, and if that's not enough for a perfect life, then I don't know what is." He said, and I slightly smiled.

"What about you then?"

"What about me?" He asked, looking slightly surprised.

"Why don't you get a perfect life? I mean, yeah you haven't been the best person over time, but you should still have an amazing life with someone who cares about you." I said, and he lightly laughed.

"I don't do relationships anymore. Not since you." He said, and that surprised me.

"You haven't been in a relationship in four years?" I asked, and he looked down awkwardly.

"No, I kinda stuck to what I was doing when we ended." He said, and I nodded, my mouth in the shape of an 'o'. I accidentally yawned, covering my mouth. He yawned too, and we both laughed, as he shook his head. "I won't keep you up any longer if you're tired." He said, and I looked at my phone to see it was almost midnight.

"Why? I woke you up in the first place." I asked, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"You wanted to talk so I wanted you to know I was there for you still." He explained and I nodded.

"Is there anything you want to talk then? So then it's fair." I asked, and he chuckled.

"I have too much on my mind right now, I don't want to bother you with it all." He said, and I shook my head.

"You won't bother me." I said, and he nodded before he got silent for a few moments.

That's how we spent the rest of the night, talking back and forth about our problems and issues over the last four years we hadn't seen each other.