Breath

Beach Talk (Eddie Vedder)

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You talk with Eddie before he leaves to join the band in Seattle.

San Francisco, 1990

You kick off your sandals and dig your toes into the sand, watching the waves gently lap at the shore. The sun is a small orange streak melting into the horizon. Nearly dark out.

You check your watch. He said he'd be here.

"Y/N!" his voice calls. You turn around and see him walking toward you, his face a mixture of relief and frustration.

"Hey," you say softly. "What's wrong?"

"S'nothing. Sorry I'm late." He plops down on the sand next to you and sighs. You study his face intently before he turns his head to you and smiles.

"How are you?" he asked. A twisted smile forms on your face and you shrug. He stares deeply at you, seeking out an answer.

"Tired, is all. It can be hard being around a lot of people, you know? Just need to... recharge. I guess?"

"Yeah, I know how that feels. Is it okay that I'm here?" he inquires, brow raised.

"What-yes!" you gasp. "I like being with you. Your presence isn't quite as draining."

"Thanks," he smirks.

"You know what I mean, Eddie. When I'm around you I don't feel like you expect something from me. It feels like I can just...exist, you know?"

He stares at you and you get self-conscience.

"God, I'm sorry. That was weird."

"No, it wasn't," he replies a bit too quickly. You widen your eyes at him and the intensity of his gaze melts a bit. He retreats back into himself.

"I mean, it wasn't weird. That was nice."

You let out a short laugh to try and dissipate the awkwardness. His lips curl up as he looks down at his interlocked hands.

"Why'd you ask me to come?" His voice is soft but clear. 

"Um, I-" You feel anxiety beginning to choke you and breathe in deeply. "I wanted to see you alone before you had to leave. I mean, we see each other basically every day, but I realized that we hardly ever talk alone. So, I just thought...You know. That you'd like to talk. Um, that I wanted to talk to you."

Embarrassment overcomes you and you inwardly curse as your cheeks heat up. Your blushes were always so noticeable. He doesn't say anything, just looks at you. 

Why does he have to be so fucking beautiful? You have been asking yourself that frequently since the day you met. High cheekbones, a sculpted nose, and soulful blue eyes. Not to mention the hair. God, the hair. The thing about Eddie is that even though he is beautiful, he's not one of the beautiful people. If you look past the surface, his insides aren't rotten. His looks are a blessing, not a threat. 

"What do you want to talk about?" 

You bite back a scream of frustration. His tone was steady and gave no indication of what he was thinking. 

"Just-" You make a meaningless gesture with your hands. 

"Just what?" You can't bear to look at him, instead choosing to stare up at the dark blue sky.

"Nothing! Okay? I-I just wanted to wish you good luck in Seattle and that I think you're really talented and a cool person. And I'm so happy that I was able to know you for a short time." To your horror, tears are starting to leak out of your eyes. You tilt your head down so he won't see.

"Y/N." The way he says your name makes you feel special. Important. Eddie's always good at that.

"Yes?" you squeak out.

"C'mere." You look up and stare at him. He reaches out and runs a calloused thumb under each eye to catch the tears. "Don't cry," he soothes. Next thing you know he's pulling you onto him and wrapping his arms around your waist, rubbing circles on your back. 

"I'm really glad I got to know you too. I'm going to miss you so much," he whispers against your ear. You shudder and squeeze him back. He's going to miss you.

"I know you'll be busy, but could you try and stay in touch?"

He murmurs a yes against your hair and kisses the side of your head. You cherish the feeling of his touch. It is the first, and possibly the last, time he would ever hold you. Shoving that thought away, you pull back and wipe your eyes on your t-shirt. His hands are still on your waist.

"Can-can I kiss you? Once. Before you go."

Something gleams in his eyes, but it's gone before you can decipher it. He nods.

You breathe in and lean forward, planting your lips on his. He pulls you in closer and moves his mouth against yours. Afraid you'll whimper if it keeps going, you unlock your lips from his and sit back on his lap. 

"I have to get going," he says softly.

"Right, me too." 

You're in a bit of a daze as the two of you walk toward the street. At the edge of the beach, he grabs hold of your hand and kisses you again. It's gentler than before. 

"I'll call. Promise." There's a blinding grin on his face as he walks backward toward his car.

"Bye, Eddie!"

He waves and you watch him leave.