Alpha Elijah's Transgender Mate (On Hold)

12. The Past. T-T

I just want to put a trigger warning here for self-harm and just negative thoughts. I'm going to try not to add that much detail but I myself fully know that even the word can trigger thoughts. I will put a trigger warning where this event is, and you can skip past it. Just remember I love you all and you are amazing! <3

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"NO, I HATE YOU BOTH!!!" I scream sprinting to his room locking the door behind me and pushing a dresser in front of the door just in case.

I jump on the bed and just cry and cry into a pillow.

How am I supposed to lead a war and improve my relationship with Elijah?

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It's been 2 hours now, Cole and I decided to have a shower since we haven't had one in like days. When I ran up to the room Elijah didn't even come after me, it shouldn't upset me, but it did.

I walked into the bathroom, straight away looking at the mirror to my right, my ears were flat against my head showing that I am upset, my eyes were puffy and red from crying and I had dried tears on my cheeks all the way down my neck.

I had on a baggy shirt and some small athletic shorts; I sigh turning away from the mirror looking around the bathroom.

To my left was a big spa bath and huge shower, the mirror was a wall length mirror stopping just before the toilet. A small wall divided the toilet from the bathroom, the walls and floor were black, and the counter was marble. I undressed facing away from the mirror and started up the bath. I sink into the water and just think.

I feel like every time one of us try to make this work the other one doesn't.

What do you mean? Cole replies.

I've been so excited for a mate but when I actually met mine he was possessive and angry because I ran away from him. I pushed on his nerves not really wanted him to be my mate, I felt as though he would possibly force me into having his heir and in reality he made me uncomfortable when mating.

When I felt like I finally needed him even after he hurt me he seemed to want me too he's been helping me get better and all that he comforted me after Kyle. I loved his possessiveness to begin with but now that I know I have to lead a fucking war its not the time for him to be possessive over my actions.

It'll be okay Tate, we're together. Cole comforts

You weren't with me for 16 years Cole you don't know what I went through. I feel myself slipping I feel my mental strength failing me again and just like before there is nothing to stop it...

There's always something you can do! Cole argues.

TRIGGER WARNING

Not for me, I'm a failure I don't belong here Victoria is wrong I'm not the one to lead this war. I block Cole out and create a knife in my right hand. I cut the words 'FAKE' 'TRANNY' 'UGLY' into my arms and just lay there as the cuts sting my arms because I blocked Cole out he can't help heal me. I open a mind-link to Elijah.

THIS IS THE END OF THE TRIGGER WARNING, THE REST OF THIS IS JUST DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS.

I know I'm a horrible and disgusting mate and I'm sorry you got paired with me I know I'm nothing compared to anyone else. I just hope one day in the future you can forgive me for what I've done. Good-Bye Elijah  I sob out I cut the link and close my eyes waiting for the darkness to overtake me...

ELIJAH'S POV

When Tate had left the room Liam and I felt upset we never want him to hate us, but we decided to give him some space I could feel his sadness through our link and we could hear his sobbing out. It had been two hours and the crying had stopped so I started heading to our room on the way I had been court up with a lot of pack members. Half-way there I felt stinging on my arm a minute later, I felt Tate push his way into our link I went to speak but I heard a sob.

I know I'm a horrible and disgusting mate and I'm sorry you got paired with me I know I'm nothing compared to anyone else. I just hope one day in the future you can forgive me for what I've done. Good-Bye Elijah.

Before I can reply back the link is gone, Liam takes over basically flying us up to the room and breaking the door open seeing that a dresser had been pushed in front of the door most likely to prevent us to get in.

We scan the room not seeing him so Liam races to the bathroom in there we see a bloodied Tate. I don't think either of us could believe what was happening Liam races up to him and pulls him out of the blood-filled water crying. His ears were stained red, and we sore the words written into his arms.

Before we can react Tate's eyes fly open shining white. His body floats out of our arms and his feet hover an inch off the ground.

"Elijah William Cooper. What have you done to my warrior?" The words that come out of Tate's mouth aren't his own it's the....

"Moon Goddess" I say kneeling down.

"Look at me boy!" She yells. I look up slowly not wanting to look in her eyes, I finally reach her eyes.

"You were to controlling you demanded things of Tate before you even knew him, this hasn't been his first time in this type of situation he just never knew it" she says softening her voice.

"W-What?" I say in disbelief.

"He hurt himself because his family didn't accept him, and know he hurt himself because his mate didn't believe in his abilities" she wisely states.

"I do believe in him I just don't want him getting hurt" I whisper back.

"Do you ever check to see if he was even slightly capable of making that decision himself?" she states back to me. "N-No Moon Goddess"

"'Believe while others are doubting.' Do not let a situation like this happen again Elijah" After the last word she spoke the white light started draining out of Tate's eyes and he dropped down I grabbed him holding him in my lap on the floor. He opens his eyes looking straight up at me. My eyes start bawling up.

"I'm so sorry, Little One" I sob covering my face with my free hand. I feel a hand rest on my cheek, I move my hand looking back down at Tate.

"It's not your fault its mine."

"Never! I friend of mine told me something and that is,

Believe while others are doubting,

I will never doubt you again" I say with a tear slipping out my eyes.

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1137 words

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Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!! 🐺💖

I just want to remind you all again that you are loved and if you are feeling down after this chapter go talk to some friends, or watch some cat videos they always make you feel better. <3