Rain POV
"So this is where you live?" Chris asked hopping on my counter and I nodded. "This a good jawn. It's sturdy."
"Thank you." I took a couple Tylenols.
"I wanna um address some of the things that you said last night in the car. I know you were drunk so I don't wanna make a big deal out of it but I just wanna let you know that if you felt like my apology wasn't sincere or my apologies wasn't sincere I just wanna tell you I am sorry from the bottom of my heart and I hope that you can really forgive me and not because I want you to be forgive me but because you are ready and willing to forgive me and once you do that then we can take the next steps I don't wanna force you into something that you don't wanna be into its no pressure for you to be around me and I mean that in no ill way. I would never want to hurt you I love you and if we got to take time and you still need space that's what we need to do." I sighed.
" I do want to be around you and I do miss you.
"But did you forgive me for you or for me that's the question." I shrugged.
" I honestly don't know... part of it was for me and part of it was for you. I just don't want to blow this whole thing out of proportion. I feel like it's not as serious as I'm taking it. You said it was a joke and I feel like it just put me in a place where I'm scared to even go there with you or like... I don't know what to believe." He nodded. " there's a lot of stuff that has happened to me in my life and that type of shit is no joke to me. I done been through that situation plenty of times in different ways plus, this is real life. I have had bets out on me for real like people was really getting money just going out with me. My first date was a bet. Some guy put a bet out on me that I will send him a nude and me being so young and so dumb I did it and they had it everywhere every guy on my block. I've been through this exact situation where they betted that they Would take my virginity and I damn near got raped for it. So this is no joke to me when I heard those words my heart was crushed and there's no taking that feeling back. It's no taking that fear out of me that something about that was a little bit true like what happened in my life before literally has me scared for my future all because I'm a big girl. Why can't I be treated like a normal girl? I'm sweet and nice and funny I'm chill and it's like everything always comes to bite me in the ass when I'm not even asking for problems. I don't do anything to anybody so what happened in that kitchen made me feel worse than anything i've been through. And when you say you apologize that just isn't enough for me I forgive you I do but that's still not enough for me. I've been through so much shit and only got a sorry to the point where sorry doesn't mean anything to me."
"Okay."
" people throw the word sorry around more than they throw thank you around. That shit don't hold no real weight so if you want me to believe what you say then you would put in the work for me and this is not me begging you to show me that you care about me because I shouldn't have to beg you to show me that you care about me. I feel like you care about me but that just set me back 10 steps and I know you didn't say it and I know it came out misconstrued and used as a weapon but it still came out those words should've never left your mouth because you see how people will do anything to embarrass me when they're not used to me having any attention or not used to me having love because they know what I've been through and they do certain shit to get back at me and for you to be one of those things or be involved in one of those things that she throw in my face I... cant even explain how that feels." I felt myself getting emotional.
He walked over to me and I pushed him.
"It's fine, you can't comfort me and I am crying because of you that gives me very toxic." We laughed and he stepped back.
