Marq POV
"You still sad?" Dani walked in the room.
I can't lie, I don't know what that whole incident did to me but I definitely feel like I'm back at square one of this healing process. That shit really fucked me up. I don't even know why that shit hurt me as much as it did but it did.
" I am fine." She sighed.
"You sure?" I nodded and I sat up and sat on the edge of the bed. " you can be honest about your feelings, it's not gonna hurt me." She shrugged.
" I am okay." She sighed. "Thank you though." She nodded.
"I been were you are before, I know how up and down that shit is. It's somedays where you just wanna forgive them and move on like it never happened. I just have to except the truth is... It did happen, and it will happen again. Trust me I try to forgive him, but it was always in the back of my mind. Everything I did. I had to do it 10 times harder, I had to put in 100 times effort. I overextended myself, overindulge myself, over exhausted myself. The truth is, I wasn't enough, and I was never going to be enough for him specifically. I couldn't make any mistakes or I feel like he's gonna leave me for the next girl or cheat on me. Every second I wasn't around him. I just wanted to be on his hip because i I wasn't looking at him I just would think he's cheating. It got to the point where he would use the bathroom and I would listen at the door just to see if I can hear him typing, or texting or on the phone. You never feel content in your relationship after something like this happens. That shit stressed me the fuck out. I lost my babies because of it and that only made me feel worse. I felt like some type of failure. I felt like I wasn't woman enough... I just felt like a overall loser, and I started to blame myself for everything he did to me. It just became... A living hell honestly. He would use my miscarriage against me, he would use the fact that I am not his type or the fact that he did this before, so why am I shocked... He always told me that we should just get a girlfriend or open the relationship or he's going to be pissed off. It took so much for me to leave, but once I did, I never went back. And if we're being honest here there were some times where I just wanted to go back and I wanted to be wrapped in his arms or I want to have my old mansion back and the cars in the bags... I want that life bag play all the designer and all those cars and all that money and all that sex never made me genuinely smile. I was never genuinely happy after he cheated on me the first time and I stayed for the next... only God knows, I can't remember how many times I took him back. A piece of me broke every time. I just wanted him to love me, I felt like he would eventually but leaving me after my second miscarriage really show me, I would be doing life a lone with him. He can't loving with the way he made me feel when I was at my lowest. I really had to- yeah..." I watched her smile slowly start to fade. "Yeah... so i understand... I am so sorry that you have to feel this way because you are a great person and you are so sweet and smart and you didn't deserve that." She looked at me.
***
"Q man." Nijay opened the door. "Hey Dani."
"Ni!"
"Hey pretty."
I walked and Xeion was on his play mat.
"Xei Xei." I picked him up and he looked at me and smiled. "Hey man."
I took the binkie out his mouth and he started clapping and yelling.
"Oh really. What else?" He started yelling again. "Yeah because you mom always doing the most." He laughed.
"Hey handsome." Dani walked up and he seem stuck in a trance. "Hey."
I looked at her and she smiled from ear to ear. He just stared at her.
