Chris POV
I wake up and hopped in the shower. I got dressed and I walked downstairs and Rain was in the kitchen.
"Good morning."
"Good morning." She shot me a smile and I sighed.
"You okay?"
"Yes, you?"
"Talk to me." She looked up from her phone and just stared at me. "Rain why did you do all of this? You destroyed us. We were in a routine, we were good and you let one situation-"
"I destroyed us, Chris please! You did so much shit to me. You can't be upset that I got tired! I was tired!"
"Stop yelling."
"Chris don't make it seem like it's all my fault."
"I am not-"
"Yes you are! I love you so much and you don't care." I sighed.
"I do care, I see it. When you watch me with Nijay and I switch up, I keep distance or a comfortable space between us. I try to avoid hurting your feelings but you be tonguing your nigga down. You don't want me, you just don't want me with no one else. You don't wanna see me happy if it's not with you and that is so fucked up because on of they most important things to me is your happiness. You went 8 months without talking to me, I call you a hundred times a day every fucking day. You played me, I would never put myself back in that predicament! I never felt no shit like that and I never will again."
"Same to you, I disrespected myself and my morals for you."
"I told you that you dont have to do that and you did it anyway! It's doesn't matter when, we were on the phone for three hours arguing. Me telling you not to and you saying it's fine. I was telling you if it is against your beliefs don't I am gone step up, it doesn't matter how I said it if you wanted that baby you would've kept it. I am sick of you blaming me, I am sick of being your projector. I let you blame me so you didn't have to come to terms that you didn't want it just as much as me." She just stared at me. "I am tired Rain, please stop. Stop making me feel like this. You were my safe space and I wish you never were. I went through my shit to, I felt like shit and I beat myself down and then you had Bahia and the twins in your corner and I was on my own. You didn't want it either, you were so sure on killing it but you just wanted someone to blame it on."
"Chris-"
"Did you want the baby?"
"Chris-"
"Did you want the baby? I will get you pregnant again! If that is what you really want, come on." She sighed. "Exactly, Rain stop. Just stop, you are happy with your nigga. Just be with him. How could you? How could you? One thing I have always been with you was honest and that is how I had to find out the only woman I love was fucking somebody else was on Instagram. I would've called you and told you before k even went public because I thought we understood eachother. I would never but we are two different people, I am real and I don't have a problem facing the facts. I would've told you before the net told you and you know that. I would've felt as though atleast I owed you that. I would have never. There is no chance of us because I have to makes sure there is no chance you would ever do me like that again."
"I am sorry."
"Don't apologize now it's done." We sat in silence. "Damn Rainee." I looked at her and she wiped her face.
Maybe we aren't ready to be around eachother. It is too much for me. My heart aches and my body feels weak. It surprises me how I subconsciously worry about how she feels and it's not reciprocated. She makes me feel so uncomfortable physically and mentally and emotionally, I don't know when I am going to crack or break down because I am always on the edge, and it's like I am on my toes about how I interact with Nijay and I don't give her the same energy because I am happy for her.
I walked into the room and Nijay looked up and her smile drop and her face frowned.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"Yes I am fine, you." I sat down and I felt her get up and she kneeled in front of me.
"Why do you look like this? Are you okay Christopher?" She looked in my eyes and it felt like she saw through me. "I am sorry."
I couldn't stop the emotions from overflowing.
"It's alright to cry, you deserve it." She hugged me tightly.
I felt years of pain just seeping through me.
I don't want kids because of the life I live. If I die today or tomorrow I would never want my kids to feel like me. I feel so useless and unworthy of so much shit. Who could love me? I have no mother or father. I don't want that to happen to my kids or anyone.
"Look at me." She grabbed my face making me look at her in her eyes. "You are amazing, you are a beautiful soul, you are a great friend. You deserve so much more than you are giving. You take more then you think you can handle but you are so strong. You are an amazing man. You are so much more then that heart broken, traumatized and confused little boy. I know that you wish you were different but I don't understand why? We both know that this persona isn't you. Who you are around the people you love is who you really are. You are a provider, protector, you are funny, you fix problems before they become problems, you provide happiness to everyone around, you love hard, you care about everyone, you nature to everyone. That is who you are, how you get you money isn't who you are. It's a job, you can't let it keep breaking you, it is all you know. We know who Chris is, some know who Chuckie is but we all understand they are two different people. Chuckie is an broken little boy trying to save everyone because he couldn't save his mom. Chuckie is a little boy who is fighting to be different from his dad and protect everyone how you dad should protected. You have so much on your shoulders and I am so sorry." She wiped my face before wiping her own. "How about we stay in the house and stay in bed and sleep. I think that is the real vacation you need. You are always on the go back home, let's change some shit up. When can make the chef make us snacks and we could get in the pool and then come back in and watch whatever show you want and fall to sleep, how about that?"
"That actually sounds amazing." I laughed softly.
"Okay, consider us well rested." I laughed and she wiped my face and kiss me on the forehead.
