You make a deal with your ex-coworker, Kim Namjoon, where you give him pleasure, for money. But the relationship that was meant for pleasure, and pleasure alone, soon turns into much more as you find yourself falling for him...
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• BTS RM AU.
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It was hard for Namjoon's brain to not throb with how many thoughts were clouding it. All he thought about was his mom, feeling guilty for her death; even after trying to forget it. Feeling guilty for using you to forget her.
It show on his face that he felt guilty, and you, too, felt guilt for making him feel that guilt. You wanted to apologize, but you knew that'd only make it worse.
Namjoon was just mad at himself for coping using sex. He felt guilty for using you.
But he shouldn't, right?
You were his toy, and you noted that in the beginning. He could use you however he wanted. He told himself that repeatedly, but that couldn't stop the guilt from creeping its way up his throat and out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry, y/n," he whispered, so barely audible you were afraid you weren't supposed to hear it. And he turned his head to look at you.
The expression on his face showed unease, and you looked at him wearily.
"For what?"
"For so suddenly asking for sex. I just-" he stopped himself, swallowing. It was none of your business. "Never mind."
But he couldn't hold back...
The memories bring back the fights I got into during school and how I used to use fighting as an escape from my father. I got into drugs, too. Heavy shit. Then, in my third year of high school, after my first time in the sheets, I realized pleasure was a better way to relieve myself and emotions than drugs and fighting, and since then, I've been fucking every woman I can like a dog in heat.
During school, I had time to do drugs. I didn't have a job, so it didn't matter.
That's what he really wanted to tell you.
And that's what he was thinking, remembering the day he quit, and turned to pleasure; the day his life turned for what he didn't know was better or worse.
Because yes, pleasure didn't hurt like the fights and the drugs. Pleasure didn't get him beaten by his dad because he didn't get suspended. The pleasure didn't make him lose weight rapidly and have no sense of reality like the drugs. Pleasure didn't land him in the shithole every teacher told him he would be in if he kept fighting and drugging up, despite knowing that Namjoon was a troubled kid from an even more troubled family.
But pleasure did make him hurt the girls he hooked up with. They always thought that he liked them when in reality he just wanted their body so that he could let out his anger. The pleasure did let him make other people feel bad about themselves.
