Yours truly, Gilbert | 𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐄

ten

I dropped the note right there. The girl... he's in love with?

He said it. He blatantly stated it right there.

How could I have been so naïve? Thinking he was charming and cared for me. All this time, there was someone else who already had his heart, and I was nothing more than a school assignment for him.

I sucked in a breath through my mouth, trying to even my breathing.

Not even realizing, I suddenly felt tears tug at the corners of my eyes.

Why was I getting so emotional over this?

This stupid boy, I had no idea who he was. It fueled me with rage.

I was more mad at myself than him, how could he have known I thought he was everything I wanted?

I have to write him back. I remembered. If I didn't he'd know who I was, and this whole plan would go to waste.

That's why I came here in the first place.

I quickly took out my pen and paper and inhaled sharply through my nose. It burned and I knew I had to leave soon before anyone saw me like this.

Nope; It was the second one. The lake is one of my favorite places to go, not the town. Guess you don't know as much about people as you thought.

That's all I wrote before slipping it back under the mat. I heard clamouring and footsteps coming near the door, and I knew in a matter of minutes, the boys would be running out the door, closely followed by the girls. I shoved my pen and extra paper in the bag before sprinting off. I didn't know where I was going, but I couldn't be here.

***

I made my way towards a familiar place. I could hear the water trickling down a small waterfall, making a soft melody, the sound of grass being blown by the wind, and a few flowers scattered around the light green land.

The lake, my all time favorite place to relax.

I could see the other side, but barely. I dropped my bag on the ground and took off the large coat. Finally being able to breathe.

I pulled pins and placers out that held my bun together and left my hair fall loose. For a moment, it was just me there.

I didn't worry about Gilbert, or my mystery boy, or even Josie. Just me, for one small second.

When it all came back to me though, it hit me like a wave. I inhaled sharply through my nose and felt tears pinch at my eyes again, threatening to pour out.

I had to distract myself. I picked up a large, muddy rock and threw it at the lake, it made a big splash before sinking into the water. I grabbed another one and did the same.

Everytime I did, a part of me wanted to scream from the pain it was causing for my right arm. But I pushed that down.

The pain at least distracted me.

I could barely hear the footsteps behind me with my heart pounding loud in my ears.

"Harley?" They asked, I realized it was a male voice. "Harley what are you—"

I picked up another rock, and almost dropped it instantly. I winced, and gripped my damaged arm tight.

"Harley, stop!" He shouted, trying to shake one of my shoulders, but I pushed him off.

"No I need— I need the rock to skip on the water." I cried, reaching for another one. "I only saw it once at the beach. A man threw a stone and it hopped across the water and it— I— I need to—" I picked up another one, and flung it towards the horizon, it hurt more and more.

"Harley look at me!" He shouted, holding both of my shoulders. His forcefullness caused me to pause.

It was Gilbert. It was always Gilbert. Though the question was, how did he know I'd be here?

"You need to stop before you tear your stitches." His voice was stern, but filled with a mix of compassion and concern. Similar to the one he used that day of the fire.

I shook my head and felt tears cloud my vision. "I can't." I gasped. "I can't look at you, Gilbert, I can't talk to you, I can't even be this close to you! I— I need you to leave. Now!"

Tears were streaming down my cheeks now, and my entire body was shaking. I managed to point towards the relative direction of his house. He stayed planted there.

"So that's it? I don't even get an explanation why?"

I turned away from him, feeling my long hair streaks swing and stick to my wet cheeks. I covered my mouth to try and stifle my sobs, but it didn't work.

"I can't tell you, why." It came out in a thick voice, giving it away that I was crying hard, but I'm pretty sure that was obvious.

Maybe it was from my pen-pal or the pain in my arm or simply because I was on my period, but I just wasn't ready to talk to him.

"Did Josie— Is that why you've been acting this way lately? Ever since—"

"Don't say another word!" I shouted, turning back towards him.

I kept my gaze down and closed my eyes briefly. "And besides, what I've done was so much worse."

Blackmail.

If he put the pieces together I'm sure he'd figure it out.

Gilbert didn't need to say anything, he walked closer and put his hand behind my head, hugging me tight. I stood in a small daze for a moment, but I was too drained to fight against it, and maybe deep down, I knew I needed the hug. So I let it happen, and close my eyes while taking shuddering breaths.

My cries and words came out muffled into his chest, but I'm pretty sure he could still hear them.

"I just want... I want everything to stop... you know? Just stop... I feel like.... like I messed up... to try... try and do the right thing... but... but I end up hurting... everyone else around me." I sobbed through gasps of air. I took deep breaths and finally pulled back. "I'm— I'm sorry." I mumbled, still trying to regain control. What was going on? I had to get my thoughts straight.

"Harley... you don't have to be sorry." Gilbert spoke softly, giving me a bit of space. I looked down at my shoes, sniffling. "No matter what is it, no one deserves to go through this. This— pain. Do you.. are you ready to talk about it?"

I sighed and thought about it, then I nodded slowly, still looking down.

I couldn't tell him everything,

but I had to let my anger out in a non-violent way.