Aimed At You

Chapter 8

Lexie nervously entered her house, agitated. She turned the lights on the living room and was greeted by several broken crockery scattered all over the floor. Her former polished wooden floors were now covered by broken mugs, plates, bowls and bottles. She set her bag down on the untouched couch and noticed the light coming from her kitchen.

"Dad?" She calls, voice laced with panic. She slowly made her way to the kitchen and right before she entered, a bullet fired past her; 3 inches away from impaling her chest. Her heart beat rose, and she started breathing heavily. She looked at the man sat on her kitchen floor, surrounded by beer bottles and a revolver in hand. 

"Dad, it's me. It's Lexie, dad..." She hesitantly crouched near her heavily intoxicated father and slowly grabbed the gun he was holding. "I just need to borrow this for a second, okay?"

"You did this to her, you killed her." He started to mutter, making Lexie freeze. "She didn't deserve to die, Lexie. You did this to her, you killed her."

Despite the fact that Lexie heard these exact words come out of her father's mouth more than she could count on her fingers,  she couldn't help the tears threating to spill from her sorrowful eyes. She knew exactly who he was referring to, and she'd be lying if she said that she doesn't repeat those words to herself when she's all alone. 

"I know. I know, I'm sorry," She sniffled, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm sorry. Just, please- please just get up." 

She grabbed her father's arm and placed it around her shoulder, while she held his waist for support. They stumbled their way up the stairs and her father grew heavier by each step. She started to tear up again, wondering when this whole torturous cycle will end. Once they finally reached his room, Lexie slowly layed her father down on his bed and covered his shivering body with a blanket. She grabbed a bottle of water from his mini-fridge and an advil from his medicine cabinet, her hands moving quickly as if she's done this several times before; and she did. Lexie stared at her sleeping father with agony and sympathy pooling her eyes. She started to think about what her father was muttering again, and she knew it wouldn't escape her mind.

********

The sun rose and plastered a splash of beautiful colors around the sky. Lexie couldn't sleep; she desperately wanted to just close her eyes and pretend that last night was only a figment of her imagination, but no amount of pretending could ever erase the pain that resides in her chest. 

With a sigh, she stood up and changed her clothes, feeling lethargic. She made her way to the mess she calls a living room and began cleaning up after her father's man-made chaos. She felt like she was picking up the pieces of her heart with every broken silverware she placed in the trash.  A while later, her father entered the living room as if nothing happened.

"Morning, sunshine." 

Lexie looks at him ludicrously, suddenly wanting to punch his pretentious face.

"Are you serious?"

"What do you mean?" He asks as he made himself a cup of coffee.

Lexie scoffed, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Her father turned to her, furrowing his brows. He leaned on the kitchen counter and crossed his arms like a father would to antagonize his disappointing daughter. "Excuse me?"

"You- oh my god. You are unbelievable!" She started as she stomped her way to her room, her father trailing behind her. Lexie grabbed a large suitcase and began to stuff her clothes inside. "You made my life a living hell! You continue to! Every single month you wind up drunk like there's no tomorrow, call me names and blame me for everything, then you act like nothing happened in the morning?" 

She turned to face him, eyes full of tired tears. "I'm exhausted. I am so fucking tired of everything, dad. You are supposed to be my father! Except, I have to clean up after your mess and nurse your hungover every single month, while you yell profanities at me! I just- I love you with all my heart but you make me want to jump off a cliff. You make me want to run myself over and over and over until I stop feeling it! I know it's my fault. You don't think I know that? I will never forget that, but you don't have to rub it in my face all the damn time!" 

His father opened his mouth to say something, but Lexie held up a hand to stop him. "I tried so hard to just accept everything that happened. I held on to the hope that maybe someday you'll change, but you never do. You never do! You-" 

She began sobbing, her knees feeling weak. She made her way to the bedside table and grabbed more of her belongings while she continued to break down in front of his father for the first time. "I love you. I love you so much, dad. I love you and it fucking hurts cause I keep feeling like you don't. All I wanted was for you to be my father, but I guess you never wanted to have a daughter." 

Lexie zipped up her suitcase and pulled it down the stairs with her. Her father just followed her, seeming like he had a million things to say, but he didn't. When she reached the front door, she turned around to face her father for the last time, eyes still brimmed with tears. 

Her father sighed, refusing to look her daughter in the eye. When Lexie was about to turn around, he finally said something. "I'm sorry."

Lexie looked at him for another second before opening the door, "You always are."