Aimed At You

Chapter 18

Lexie's stomach was doing summersaults, her heart was fluttering uncontrollably, there were butterflies dancing around her whole body, yet her mind was clouded. She wanted to widely smile and kiss the life out of him, but her brows knitted together instead. 

"Why do you think of me so highly when we've only known each other for barely a month? I mean, I was an ass to you when we first met." She said exasperated.

Nathan shook his head, "I don't care how we met or how long we've known each other, Lexie. I meant what I said. I'll be nice to you even if you push me away because you deserve it."

She stared at him as if she couldn't comprehend a word he said, and she couldn't. She shook her head and walked towards the table, deciding to just practice shooting and stop having these kinds of conversations with Nathan. He watched her intently, wanting to say more. Yet, he thought that he should stop saying these things and simply treat Lexie like what she is, his roommate, and nothing more. 

Lexie cocked a gun and pointed it to the first target closest to her. "I'm sorry for calling you 'Nate'." Bang.

"What?" Bang.

"Louis said you didn't want to be called that, so I'm sorry." Bang. "I won't do it again." 

"It's okay." Bang.

"What?" Bang.

"I like it when you say it."

Lexie stopped shooting and furrowed her brows again. She turned to Nathan and flailed her arms, shaking her head. She took a sip of water and acted indifferent again, as she started shooting the next set of targets. She shot the first one and missed. She shot the second and missed again. She stopped and took a deep breath while staring at the gun. 

"Your hand is shaking." Nathan pointed out. 

"No shit, Sherlock." 

There was so much tension in Louis' backyard that they felt like they were trapped inside a small room. They grew more and more fond of one another in the short time that they've been together. Despite that, Lexie found herself wanting to drift away from Nathan's charms and kindness - she didn't want to fall head over heels over someone, then be left unwanted like a toy when a child grows older. Not again. However, some fiber in her body longs for Nathan. Some part of her wants to see what this relationship could bring, how happy they'd make each other. Her heart wanted to ignore all the nagging her brain painfully makes. To just jump into Nathan's warm embrace and forget the rest of the world. 

She placed the gun on the table, sighed, then lowered her head. It was a sunny day and it was fairly humid. A sweat trickled down Lexie's back, and she hated nothing more than sweating. Without thinking, she took her shirt off, revealing her black sports bra. 

Nathan's eyes bulged out of its socket, and he forced himself to tear his eyes away from her upper body. Before he could, he noticed a tattoo on the upper left of her back. He made a double take and narrowed his eyes on the ink on Lexie's soft skin. A bird cage.

"Woah." He said as if he's never seen a tattoo before.

"What?"

"I like your tattoo."

Instinctively, Lexie covered her tattoo with her right arm. Nathan raised his eyebrow at her action, then she removed her hand. She grabbed her pistol again, and aimed it at the third target. Her hand stopped trembling, and this time she shot it with ease. 

"What does your tattoo mean?" Bang.

"Nothing." Bang. "Just got it when I was 16 as a rebellious act."

"Ah," Nathan nodded. "It suits you." Bang. Bang

"Thank you." 

"I've always wanted to get a tattoo."

"Why didn't you?" 

Nathan paused and looked at Lexie, "I guess I never knew I wanted."

She nodded and moved on to the third set, which was a lot further from the table. She reloaded and aimed her pistol. "You should get a gun."

He chuckled, "Isn't that too cliche?"

"Well, it seems like you love the competition so much, so why not?"

"Hmm," Nathan spoke, interrupting Lexie's thoughts. "I don't know."

"Why do you like the competition so much?"

Nathan sighed, "Rudy. He always wanted to be great at shooting, but he couldn't. I'm doing it for him."

Lexie paused and stared at Nathan with adoration. She wished someone would love her as much as Nathan loves his brother. She shook her head and aimed for the fourth set of targets. 

"Angle your body better." He said, tilting his head as he looked her up and down. 

Lexie felt insecure underneath Nathan's intense gaze. She felt like a cell being closely studied under a microscope. She cleared her throat and angled her body. 

"No. More to the left." Nathan walked towards her and stopped just a foot away. "May I?" He pointed to her waist, and Lexie cautiously nodded. His big warm hands perfectly held Lexie's waist as if it was meant to be there. He slowly angled Lexie more to the left, and his hand lingered on her waist when he finished. Lexie's pulse started racing, and she could feel the warmth Nathan radiated. His chest started raising up and down, and he moved his own eyes from her waist to her crystal blue orbs. They closely searched each other's eyes, and Nathan stepped closer to her. Their lips were mere inches away, and they could feel each other's breaths. 

It took everything in Lexie to pull away from Nathan's hold, and she felt like punching herself for doing so. She avoided eye contact, "Can we make a deal?"

Nathan controlled his breathing and nodded, "What deal?"

"No more of this," she gestured towards the two of them. "No more almost kisses, no more sweet talks, no more- just, no more."

He stared at her, face completely blank. Lexie badly wanted to know what he was thinking. He didn't utter a word, so she continued. "From now on, let's just be roommates and nothing else. I think  it's better that way."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why is it better that way?"

Lexie dropped her head in frustration and shook her head, "I don't know, Nathan. It just is."

He didn't say anything, like before. He searched her eyes for a long time, and his face wasn't revealing what he was thinking. At the moment, he looked like he wasn't even there - his mind was somewhere else. After a while, he cracked his knuckles and answered, "Fine." Lexie could be mistaken, but she thought she saw a small smile appear on Nathan's lips before he turned around.

He walked away with his hands in his pocket. Lexie watched him walk away, and her heart grew heavier each step he took. "Where you going?" She shouted unconsciously. 

"Water." He answered with no emotion present in his tone. 

Lexie nodded as if he could see her, grabbed a gun, and started aggressively shooting every target she layed her eyes on. She was mad at Nathan, but she was mostly mad at herself. She thought that she pushed away the one good thing in her life, yet again. She reloaded her gun and furiously shot each target again. She was panting heavily, and she repeated the words to herself, "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid."