When We're Together (Damon Albarn)

Chapter Fourteen

Monday 4th December 2006

"I think I might be pregnant"

I watched as the worried look disappeared from his face, his mouth dropping open in shock as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Really?" He whispered, I sighed loudly before nodding my head.

"Really, I've not taken a test yet, but I think I am" I told him, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. This excitement made everything all the worse, every part of me was hoping that I wasn't pregnant but it seemed that every part of him was hoping for the opposite.

"I'll go out and buy some" He told me eagerly, I swallowed hard before shaking my head. Taking a test meant to had to come to terms with the reality and I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Not yet Dames" I whispered, I watched as he sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest.

"But we need to know" He told me gently, I nodded my head in agreement. We did need to know, but I just really didn't want to.

"I know, but I'm scared it'll be positive" My voice cracked as I spoke, I knew my words would hurt him, but I couldn't let him become excited for something I really didn't want "But I'm three weeks late, so I think we both know what the answers going to be"

His silence was painful, he didn't let go of me but I felt like he was a million miles away. I knew how much he wanted another baby and no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't get the idea to appeal to me. Though, there wasn't much I could do now, I had to get used to the idea.

"You need to take a test" he told me firmly, I nodded my head, I knew he was right, I just couldn't face it yet "We can't do anything until we know for sure"

"I really don't want another baby Damon" I told him quietly, I felt this grip on my tighten and I didn't dare look up at him, I was afraid of the upset look which I knew would be on his face.

"I know darling" He whispered after a while "If we're going to bring another life into this world then we both need to be completely sure"

"I know" I nodded my head again, swallowing hard to try and remove the lump in my throat "But I think it's too late for that, we've got a baby coming so I don't have any choice but to get on with it"

"Well you do have a choice" He whispered, I turned my head up to look at him, shaking my head once we made eye contact.

"I can't Dames" I stuttered, shaking my head as I spoke. As much as the idea of a fourth child really didn't appeal to me, I couldn't get rid of it "I just couldn't do that"

"Well then talk to me darling, why don't you want another child?" I sighed again at his words, I didn't even know where to begin.

"We're at such a good point with our three and newborns are hard Damon, they're so fucking hard. Especially with you away, four kids is a lot for me to deal with on my own"

"-You won't be on your own though love, I'll cancel the tour, I'll be there, I promise" I shook my head as he spoke, I know he had good intentions but it just wouldn't be possible.

"You can't just cancel a tour Dames, we both know that. I could do it, of course I could, but I can just pack the kids up and we can easily join you for the weekend. I can't do that with a newborn and we're not taking it on tour, I think that's why all the kids are such bad sleepers, cause we moved them around so much when they were younger and I can't have another baby keeping me up all night, Missy and Fox are only just starting to sleep properly" I rambled, we had readjusted how we were sat whilst I was talking and now we were both sat cross legged on the bed, our knees touching as we looked at each other.