the beginning of an end | sarah paulson as Isabelle

a messed up life

It was december, April and her friends were at a party the whole night, drinking, doing drugs and hooking up with so many people they couldn't even remember. They danced, laughed, talked, they just did literally everything what they could do in one night. But they didn't do it for fun, they did it to forget everything that was happening in their lifes.
April had problems, everything was going wrong in her life, she had no people to talk to. She was lonely, and she thought that was the worst feeling in the world, sadness and loneliness, but April was so wrong. She stopped eating, she just wanted to be pretty, she wanted people to like her. She used to eat nothing in days, just to be skinny, just to fit in.
And when she turned 16 all that sadness and loneliness just disappeared, but that wasn't good, because she completely lost the ability to feel anything. She started hanging out a lot with wrong people, they didn't help her, they just made it worse. April started dating boys, so many boys, but she didn't love them, she didn't feel anything, and that was the worst feeling in the world, being numb. So she started going to partys, drinking so much until she forgot everything, just being another person.
And that was also a night like this, April was so drunk she couldn't even walk. Her 'friends' helped her to get to the house and left her there. April took the keys out of her small brown leather bag and tried to open the door, but she couldn't because her hands were shaking and she didn't see anything. After 15 minutes of trying April gave up, her whole body hurt and she wasn't even able to think, so she just fell asleep infront of the door. In the morning she woke up because of a weird noise. She opened her eyes and needed a moment to reallise where she was. April forgot sverything about the last night, she had no idea why she woke up on the floor next to the door, with the keys in her hands.
Then she heard that weird noise again and finally reallised that someone was inside of the house. Aprils parents should be at sork because it was a monday morning, so it couldn't be them. She opened the door and closed it really quietly, she was really scared but also curious. She took a knife out of her bag, a friend gave it to her, sneaked into the living room and was ready to attack the person in the house, whoever it was. But when she entered the living room her parents were sitting on the sofa, April was glad it was them. But they looked really worried and disappointed, her mom was crying and her dad looked really tired and exhausted. What happened, did someone die?
,,Mom, dad, what's wrong?'', April started to worry too.
Her parents both didn't react, but when April wanted to ask again her mom finally started talking, no, screaming.
,,You are asking what's wrong? April, how can you be so stupid? Didn't you reallise anything?'', tears were running her moms cheeks, there was pain in her eyes, April could see it.
,,Mom, i really don't get it, could you please tell me why you are so upset?'', April was confused, she really thought someone died or something horrible happened.
,,April, you are the problem'', her mom shouted, ,,you are gone every night, you are getting drunk and high, you are skipping school and spending our family money, how could you do that to our family?''
April finally understood everything. She did all those things withouft thinking about her life, her family, she ruined her chances to be happy in the future, she ruined everything.
She stood there, staring at her parents and she still felt nothing. She was so tired of her life, it was just pointless, everything she did was pointless, because she was never enough anyway.
But then she started feeling something, something in her soul changed, and all the bad things people ever said or did to her started running through her head, and those things started to hurt her, she started feeling pain, so much pain. She wasn't happy, not at all, but she finally felt something again, she wasn't numb anymore.
She started crying, tears ran down her cheeks so she couldn't even talk.
After a while April calmed down and was able to talk again.
,,Mom, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry'', she broke down in tears again but kept talking, ,,i know i screwed up, but i just wanted to feel something.''
Aprils mom didn't know what to say, but she started unterstanding her daughter, so she said: ,,Come here, honey.''
April and her mom never had a really close relationship, they didn't fight a lot but they also never hugged, so that was so special to April. Of course her mom loved her, but sometimes April just needed a person to talk to, a friend, and her mom wasn't that person to her. Hugging her and telling her everything felt so good, April thought they could start over now, finally be close.
April fell asleep, for the first time in months she felt good again, she felt alive. She woke up in her room, April got ready and went upstairs to see her parents. She was excited to spend time with her family, because she really needed that, she just never knew it. Aprils mom and dad were sitting in the kitchen and eating dinner, it was already late evening, April was asleep the whole day. She wasn't hungry but she sat down next to her mom and smiled. But her parents weren't smiling, the looked worried again. It wasn't the same as last time, this time it felt like they had to say something important but couldn't.
And before April could ask what was going on, her dad started talking.
,,April, i know it's been a really rough time for you, but this is not an excuse for your awful behavior, so your mom and i decided, that i would be the best for you to go to a bording school, there you can meet people who are like you.''
And the good feeling, April finally had, disappeared, it was just gone. How could her parents do something like that to her? She made mistakes, but she wasn't a murderer or a psychopath, just a messed up teenage girl, nothing more.
,,No, i'm not going there,'', April shouted, ,,i am really sorry for what i did but i don'g deserve something like that, please don't do that to me.''
,,April, we already decided it, you have to pack your bags because you will already go there tomorrow.'' Aprils dad didn't want to argue, he knew April didn't want that, but he honestly just didn't care. Her mom just stood there and said nothing all the time, but shr looked like she didn't want April to go.
,,No, Mom, please say something, i need you.'', April screamed. She thought she would finally be happy again but now her parents destroyed everything.
Aprils mom still said nothing, she just turned around and left the kitchen, and so did her dad. They left April alone, just like they always do. How could she ever believe that they would be a 'happy family', they could never. She was convinced that her parents were selfish cold people, they just wanted to get rid of April, so they could finally live their life alone.

The next morning she woke up early, because she felt sick. But she knew she had to go to that bording school anyway, even if she felt really bad. She packed her bags at night, because she knew there was no way out of this mess, she had to go to that school, her parents would never accept a 'no'. At 9am April, her dad and her mom finally were in the car and started driving, they lived in Pittsburgh, but the bording school was somewhere in Massachusetts, so that was going to be a really long ride. April looked out of the window, at all those fields and landscapes, she remembered doing the same thing when she was a little girl. What happened to that little girl, April wasn't that same girl now.
While driving to that school April didn't speak to her parents, she just sat there, listened to some music or was on her phone. After 10 hours they finally were in a place with beautiful landscapes and flowers, everything was just so pretty. April saw a big building, something like a castle, it was white and a beautiful building, but April didn't like buildings like these at all, so she really hoped it wasnt the school.
But then they obviously stopped next to that building and Aprils mom said: ,,So, thats your new school, lovely, isn't it?'' April knew that her mom was trying to give her a better feeling, so she decided to be nice.
,,Yes, it's pretty, i guess.'', April answered really dry.
She already knew it was going to be awful.
,,Oh, your headmistress is coming, please act your best honey.'' Aprils mom behaved really strange, she wasn't that tough, actually she would've cried, but April thought her mom just didn't care anymore.
April was thinking about her new life, when she heard a voice.
,,Hello, i am the headmistress Isabelle LaFont, welcome to Misgoode Academy.'' April raised her head and was shoked, Isabelle was the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her face, just everything about her. She liked Isabelle, Isabelle was really nice and certainly a really good headmistress.
April was kinda excited for the time in this school, because she thought everyone was as nice as Isabelle. April looked at Isabelle and Isabelle looked back at her, both smiled and Isabelle started talking.
,,April, come with me now, please.'' April hugged her parents, took her bags and followed Isabelle.