the beginning of an end | sarah paulson as Isabelle

how do i trust again?

April woke up because of a loude noise, she must have fell asleep again. She felt way better then before, so she got out if bed to look where this noise came from.
She looked out of the window and saw a group of teenagers hanging out, laughing and playing some games, they were really loud.
April noticed one girl, this girls hair was dark blonde she seemed really fun and chill.
,,I wish i had a friendgroup like this, happy, unbothered and just chill.'', April thought, she still didn't know anyone in this school, except for Isabelle.
She took her phone and saw that it was almost 9am. It was a saturday so she didn't have lessons, but April didn't know the breakfast and dinner times, so she got ready and left her room.
The school building was full of people, students were sitting in the library or the common room, people were walking through the floors, talking and laughing, but no one seemed to notice April.
Of course no one did, here are like 500 students in this school and April wasn't really a special person, but she was happy with getting no attention.
April arrived at the common room and she reallised she didn't know where she had to go for breakfast, Isabelle didn't tell her, so April decided to ask someone. She wanted friends, so she had to talk to people and that was a great opportunity to do that.
She looked around a saw the girl with the dark blonde hair, she also saw outside, so she decided to come over and talk to her.
But April didn't know what to say, she wasn't a shy person, not at all, but talking to knew people always has been hard for her.
April decided to go to breakfast alone, she wanted friends but she hated starting conversations.
She started walking as she heard a voice, someone said: ,,Hey, you are the new girl, right?''
April turned around and saw that blonde girl smiling at her.
April didn't know what to say, it was really akward but she just felt like she couldn't talk anymore.
,,I am Katie, you looked a bit lost so i thought i'd come over.'' April was so thankful that Katie was carrying the conversation, she was happy that someone was talking to her.
,,Hi, i'm April, thank you so much for talking to me, i don't know anyone here.''
April looked at Katie and smiled.
,,If you want to, we could hang out, i mean i'd love to show you everything here and introduce you to my friends and other people.''
Katie was so nice, April didn't understand why, but she was so thankful. Katie could be Aprils first real friend, she could finally be happy.
,,Katie, you are so nice, i'd love to hang out with you.'', April said, she started opening up and wasn't shy anymore.
,,So you wanna have breakfast with me? All my friends woke up so early and are outside already.'', Katie said, while she was still smiling.
,,Of course, i'm kinda hungry.''

April and Katie were sitting in the dining room and having breakfast, they were talking and laughing and April felt so good, she was really happy to go to the Misgoode academy. She felt like Katie truly saw her, Katie understood her and even if she knew Katie for like one hour, she could trust her.
,,You can't trust anyone.'', Aprils voices in her head started saying.
,,You can't trust her, she will hurt you, just like everyone else.'' April hated the voices in her head, everytime she wanted to talk to someone new, she couldn't, because of the voices.
April wanted to ignore it, but she couldn't. The voices in her head were repeating this one sentence:
,,You can't trust her, you can't trust anyone.''
April was panicking, she got up and started running out of the dining room, while Katie didn't understand what was going on.
Tears were running down Aprils cheeks, she opened the big entry door and ran outside.
Her hands were freezing and her legs hurt, but she ignored the pain and didn't stop running.
,,I just wanna die!'', she screamed, while running through a big lavender field.
And for a second she felt free, she felt better than ever before. For a second she forgot everything, she was just running.
April ran as fast as she could as if she were running away from all of her problems. But suddenly she ran into someone, fell on the floor and felt pain all over her body.
Someone took her hand and caressed her tenderly, while April was repeating:
,,I just want to die, i don't want to do this anymore.''
After a while April opened her eyes and found herself sitting on the floor of a lavender field, while hugging Isabelle.
Isabelle held her tight and whispered:
,,It's okay, honey, everything is okay.''