Crossroads (An Evil Deku Fanfic)

Chapter 25: Healing

Hello Kacchan.

I didn't turn on the microphone yet. Instead, I turned to Eiji and asked him, "Eiji, is it okay to be scared?"

"Absolutely," He answered, "I'm... I'm scared too. But, listen, Katsuki... I said it to you before and I'll say it again: I'm not going anywhere. If you need me, I'll be right there. Be there for him." He smiled at me and I tried to smile back. Instead of trying some more, I turned back to Izuku.

I grabbed the microphone and flicked the switch. The light turned on, which showed the mic was on too. "Hello, Izuku."

On the monitor, it said:

How did we get here?

"I... I don't know."

Kacchan, I don't know what happened to me. I'm lost in my mind. I don't know where I am, why I'm there, or how I got there. I'm just alone. I'm alone and it's dark. It's really dark. I can't feel the ground under my feet or the light in front of my eyes. I'm thinking in 500 different voices and they're all saying different things. I don't know what any of them are saying anymore.

I've lost my mind, Kacchan.

I stared at the monitor not knowing what to say. He kinda did lose his mind. I flipped the switch and the mic turned off and then I turned to Eiji. "Eiji, can I speak with him alone?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure," He nodded and left, giving me a brief smile as he walked through the door.

I took a deep, shaky breath and turned the mic back on. "Izuku... I know that you feel like you've lost your mind. I understand, really, I do."

You could never understand what it's like to be me. You're lucky. I take your quirk, you get another one. I kill one of your classmates, you get a boyfriend. The more I scare you, the braver you become. It isn't fair. No matter what I try, you will never be pushed down.

"Izuku, I suffered!" I yelled, "I suffered! Do you understand that?! I suffered just as you wanted me to!"

All I wanted was for you to suffer as I did!

"How did you suffer?!"

I was quirkless, I was belittled, I had things taken from me, I was scared, I was ready to die. On the day of the slime villain incident, I had gone to a rooftop.

"What?"

I was perfectly ready.

"Wait, Izuku, please don't say-"

I almost did it. Just like you told me to. But you know me, I'm too much of a fucking chicken to do anything. But... I can't help thinking that all of this would be better if I had jumped then.

The blood drained from my face. Izuku... almost committed... suicide? I opened my mouth and couldn't speak. I looked up from the monitor and through the window. Izuku, the Izuku right in front of my eyes, was ready to commit suicide?

Kacchan, the world would have been safer if I had done it. If only I had died... if only I had never been born... none of this would have happened. I'm right, aren't I, Kacchan?

My heart thumped. How do I respond to that? There's nothing I could say. Instead, I dragged my feet to the door next to the window. I unlocked it with the key on the table and walked in. The guard yelled at me to stop, but I just couldn't. I closed the door behind me, now in Izuku's cell.

The lights were bright and hot and the air was heavy. It felt like a cage. Izuku was suspended above the ground and the chains looked like they were straining to hold him, while he simply lay limp. I stood right in front of him and felt cold. My heart was pounding in my head a thousand beats a second and the taste of my words in my mouth was bitter.

"Izuku, if you had died, none of this would have happened. But, we can never tell what one thing can change. I have no idea if the world would be better or worse if you'd died. But I'm sure of one thing. Izuku," I took a deep, shaky breath through my clenched throat and reached my hand up. I placed my hand gently on his head and finished my sentence, "I would never recover if you'd killed yourself. Your mother would never recover if you'd killed yourself. Everyone who knew you would never recover. Just like when Todoroki died. We hardly knew him, but I don't think the class will ever forget it." I felt a cold lump in my throat as I thought about him, "He might never have thought anyone would be affected by his death, but we all were. Villains turned good because of his death. You can't say you predicted that. No one can predict things like that."

I talked for hours. I could have gone on and on forever. My throat felt rougher with every word, and my words were eventually just being thrown out of my mouth. I kept my hand on his head as I talked. There were words I wanted to say, words I couldn't say, words I shouldn't have said. Is this... what talking from the heart is? Saying the first words that pop into your mouth until they make you want to cry?

As I said, I could have talked forever, but Izuku finally tilted his head up at me. Hesitantly, I slipped my finger under the blindfold and pulled it off. He looked at me with eyes full of lost hope and regret. There were red veins in his eyes, and his eyes were sunken into the dark circles around them. I didn't even need the monitor, the look in his eyes was enough to know exactly what he was thinking.

And somehow, I still don't know why, but I smiled. I smiled and stayed in that cell, that cage, for what seemed like forever. The guard was still yelling at me to get out of the cell, and Eiji was trying to shush him, but I ignored them both. This was the first moment of peace I'd shared with Izuku in a very, very long time.

And I felt important to someone. It was a wonderful feeling.