Please don't leave

chapter 20.

The car ride to work was silent, but comfortable. I watched as my thumbs fiddled with each other. Feeling Emily's lingering glances at the red lights.

"You're so pretty when you're lost in your thoughts," Emily tried to gain my attention. I just nodded, not really paying attention to what she had said.

I don't know why I was so focused on my thoughts. Usually it's easy to pull me out of them. But I just couldn't do it. There weren't many thought either.

"Nov? Are you ok?" She poked. It was strange, what happened next.

I turn over and look at her. Making dead eye contact. And for some reason, I just started sobbing. Nothing was wrong either. I just cried. Confusing the both of us.

"Hey! Hey! What's wrong?!" She tried to soothe. Driving as the light turned green. Going between the road and me.

"I...I don't know?!" I confessed. More tears spilling out. They became uncontrollable at a point. "I was perfectly fine two seconds ago!" Emily attempted to stifle her laugh, but failed miserably. Letting out a loud laugh. "It's not funny! I don't know what's happening!"

"Maybe it's just your period." She suggested. Which is when it dawned on me. I haven't had my period for almost three months. I looked down at my stomach in silence. Just assuming the most.

"Fuck," I mumbled. Not knowing if I should say something. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

"What's wrong? Did you forget something?" Em quizzed. Not understanding my panic.

"Um, yeah! It's whatever though. It's not that important." I pushed off. And just then, we had pulled up to the crime scene. The team standing around the body.

And when we walked over, we understood why they were just standing there. A body laid with my name carved into the stomach.

"Oh, fucking hell." I whispered. My stomach turning in many directions.

"Get back in the car. We're going back to the Bureau." Hotch ordered. Everyone scrambling to get to the cars. Hiding me within them so nobody could see what car I got in. Panic setting in for the entire team. I was petrified though.

Out of all body parts my name could've been, they chose the stomach.  Almost as if they knew I had the chance of being pregnant. Chills ran down my spine.

I sat in the back o f the car. Derek driving and JJ next to me.

"I think I'm pregnant." I randomly spat. Gaining looks from the two. "You can't tell Emily though promise me you won't say a thing to anyone."

"What do you mean think?" Derek questioned, being just as confused as JJ.

"Well, I went to change, and usually this top fits perfectly. But my boobs didn't fit, they overfilled actually. And they haven't grown in years. And then on the way here, I randomly cried because Emily poked me! And it wasn't like a simple tear cry, it was a whole sob story! And she asked if it was my period, but I realized, I haven't gotten one for three months." I went over my entire mind set. 

"Have you taken a test yet?" JJ looked between me and Morgan. JJ, out of all people would know if I was pregnant or not. Seeing as she does have Henry.

"No, this just dawned on me. What if she doesn't want kids? I mean it wouldn't even be hers. I don't even know who the father is. What if I'm a bad mom? Or! What if I'm not ready! Oh God this is bad!" I started to panic. Just overthinking everything. 

"You'll be ok! Just, when you get off, go to the grocery store and pick up a test. Then go from there," JJ suggested. I knew she was right, so I calmed down a lot more.