Please don't leave

chapter 28.

That morning I woke up to the light softly shining through. The unfamiliar room slowly registering as Reid's guest room.  It was sometime early since he was in the kitchen. 

I rolled out of the bed and left the room. I could hear him talking, but it was quiet. Then there was another voice. And no matter how quiet, I knew it was Emily's. It was tempting to just turn around and go out the window and down the fire escape, but that would be childish. Especially because my shoes are by the front door.

So, being a big girl, I walked out. Both their eyes landing on my figure. The one that was being hidden by the big pumpkin shirt I borrowed form Reid. I tried to avoid looking at Em, but I knew I couldn't. The sad look on her face breaking my heart. It was pain that we both caused.

"I'll be in heading out now. Nova, can you lock up when you leave?" He questioned. It was a smart move, escaping the painful tension. I nodded and watched him leave. Shooting a reassuring smile at me before closing the door behind him.

"So, I assume you're here to talk?" I started. The harshness in my tone hitting her quickly.

"I can explain what she said." She began, moving towards the couch. I stayed where I was, arms crossed while leaning against the arch.

"She? Not gonna name your fuck buddy? Tell me, was she worth it? Was it all what you imagined? Something you were willing to risk our entire relationship over? Or were you just tired of waiting around for me?" I shot out question after question. Not giving her time to answer. Her mouth open, but no words came out. "Dammit Emily! Just say something! Defend yourself! Literally say anything!" Tears burned my eyes.

"You're never around anymore," she tried. Getting a scoff in return.

"I'm at home everyday! Watching our son! Is it because I have a kid? Because if it is, I'm more than positive I could find someone who would be more than happy to raise him with me!" I pointed to the outside. A single tear rolling down my cheek.

"She came onto me! And of course I want to raise a kid with you!" She stood up, standing on the opposite side of the room.

"Oh so because she came onto you it makes it ok?! There was no 'oh JJ, you're married and I'm in a relationship?' It just went to you two fucking each other?!" I reminded her of the possibilities. "All you had to do was say no, Emily!"

"Well you fucked Reid!" She tried to even out.

I stared in disbelief. "We. Weren't. Even. Together! You were of living in Paris, meanwhile I thought you fucking died! There's a difference. I have been nothing but loyal to you! And all I wanted was to see your face at the end of a case or a day. To hear your voice saying that you would never hurt me and that you loved me!"

"I'm sorry that I have a job that takes me al over the world! I didn't try and hurt you on purpose! It just happened," her poor defense hurting more and more with ever word. It was evident on my face as well. "I'm sorry. It was a terrible mistake. You're the only one I want. I love you."

Choking on a sob, I fell to the floor. Sobbing into my hands. I couldn't make out any words. And when Emily came over and tried to hold me, I shrugged her off. "An 'I love you' doesn't erase the fact you fucked someone else! And if you did supposedly love me, we wouldn't be having a fight!"

There was only the sound of my quiet sobs. Which sounded horrible and snotty. "When was the first time?"

"What?"

"The first time you and JJ...were intimate." I clarified. "If we're going to get past this, I want you to lay it all out on the table. And if you can't, then I highly doubt it'll work out between us."

"The second year you were gone. I had gone off back to Interpol. I came back for a case. Once we finished, we went out for a girls night, which turned into a big family dinner. And after, I went back to JJ's. I was drunk, and so was she. Will was out with the kids for the weekend. And it just happened. And it continued for the next two years. I thought it was no strings attached, but I guess there were for her." Emily shortened the long story. 

"How many times?" I questioned. Watching the regret in her eyes grow. She stayed silent for the most part. "Emily."

"Three-to-four times a month." She quietly spat.

"So basically once a week?!" I seethed. She bobbed her head. "Son of a bitch!"

"I'm so sorry," she apologized watching me get up. I went and sat on the couch. Sitting on the furthest edge from her.

"I get having needs, Emily, I really do. But you could've fulfilled them all by yourself." I softly said. "I really just want to know what you were thinking."

"I wasn't. Isn't that obvious?" She joked. Letting out a disappointed chuckle. "I'm a terrible girlfriend. You deserve better."

"I wish there was better. You may have dug a hole into this relationship, a very, very, deep hole, but no matter how deep it is, I can't seem to hate you. And I guess that's what hurts most. Knowing that, you could kill me, and I'd still die loving you. Because, for fuck's sakes, it's always been you I've adored. And maybe, you don't love me as much as I you, and maybe that's why you let what happened with you and JJ happen. I will never know the real reasoning. I shouldn't even want to be in the same room as you, or breathing the same air as you. But your like this drug, one I've become so addicted too." I sniffled. 

Emily sat on the other side of the couch. Her knees brought up to her chin. Her eye's scanning my entire form. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, that I love you to the point I would let you hurt me so so much. And at the end of the day, I'd still want to curl up into your arms. It hurts so much knowing that as well. And I have every right to hate you right now, I do, but I just can't. God, what the fuck have you done to me Emily Prentiss?" I scoffed at my mushy words. A small smile pulling at my lips. 

"I've made you soft, weak at the knees. I have you wrapped around my finger, and you have me wrapped around yours." She scooted closer. Close enough to where I could rest my head on her shoulder.

"You still have a lot to do to make it up to me though. As easily as I forgave you." I looked up at her. Meeting her brown eyes. "Fuck, you're beautiful." I whispered. She smirked in response. Making my heartbeat pick up. I pulled her down to kiss her lovely lips, but she turned her head. My lips meeting her cheek instead. 

"I have to go to work. I have a meeting with Hotch and Strauss. I'll be home tonight, and I'll make it up to you the best I can." She pressed a kiss to my hairline and got up. Laving me to sit on the couch alone. "And thank you."

"Yeah, yeah, just...Don't fuck it up. You only get so many chances." I responded. Listening to the door close, I stayed still. I shouldn't have forgiven her that fast. What if she just repeats the same thing again? And I just let her. Goodness gracious, Nova. You're so in love with her.