{Criminal Minds} Spencer Reid x Reader

Scenarios (Sad)

TW: This story is real life related, mentions of suicide and self harm are involved.

This is my personal experience that's I'm still dealing with so I decided to write it instead of pushing it away and hiding it.
————————————

I sat in bed with my laptop open in front of me, playing the show I repeated watch in order to comfort myself. I sit in silence as I rub my eyes from the exhaustion of reliving the same day over and over and over again. It's been really hard this year and it seems to be getting worse by the minute.

I'm no longer openly motivated to get up. I no longer like the idea of getting ready when my sister asks. I sat alone, swirling words in my head. Some from the show, others from myself and lastly the ones the kill me inside. My family.

After finding out my two older siblings are having suicidal thoughts, I had to push away my own and question myself why.

I lost my mom.. I lost my two dogs.. I'm failing every single class.. My dad is leaving next month.

I mentally scream at myself. I wish it could've been out loud.

I wish I could put an end to my pain..

I got up from my bed, pushing open my bathroom door and looking at myself in the mirror.

I hate you. I hate your ugly face. I hate your crooked smile. I hate your uneven teeth. I hate your messy curly hair. I hate your body. I hate everything about you.

I cry and cry. Until I no longer feel the sadness coming from tears. I open my mirror and grab the broken piece of glass I remember saving at the age of 11.

I really thought about ending my life at 11..
I think about my sister. The only one who has helped me through it all. The one who promised my mom to look after me.

She's all I have..

I walk over to the trash can and let it fall out of my hands. I'd rather live for her than leave because of my own thoughts.

It upsets me that my siblings had even thought about leaving me. How did they think that would make me feel?

Good? Absolutely not.

It gave me more reason to think about leaving.

But I didn't. I won't.

I shook my head as I pushed away all of these thoughts and emotions. I grab my phone and open Wattpad.

I look through the variety of stories of all of my favorite comfort characters.

Spencer Reid and Five Hargreeves being the top 2.

I laugh to myself as I find funny that my phone already knows me so well.

I wipe away a fallen tear and open up a story to read.

"Come with me" Spencer smiles and he holds out his arm, signaling you to link arms.

You did so, smiling with a small blush as Spencer lead you out onto an openly lit flower field.

The fairy lights and full moon made the experience so much more magical.

"What is all of this for?" You ask in a calm happy tone.

"I want to show you what you deserve. I want to show you love, I want to spend my life with you and make you the happiest I can" He says as he takes a hold of both of my hands.

"Let me be the reason you wake up with a smile on your face" He whispers angelically.

One of his hands cupped my face as he brought the other up, kissing the back of my hand.

"Y/n L/n.. Will you-"

"-Get up already?! I'm not gonna tell you again" My sister yells as she walks in for the last time to tell me to help her clean.

I sigh in defeat as my eyes well up in tears and my head filling with scenarios that I know will unfortunately never happen in my reality..

I think it's upsetting to know that I do this so often, I can't help but be tired of living the same day. I can't even do things that make me happy without it making me more depressed.