Everybody Finds Out

Part 21

With her fingernails lightly grazing Lindsey's chest hair, Stevie planted small kisses everywhere she could reach. She had her leg draped over his and his hand rested on her thigh, but he hadn't responded yet to any of her actions. Having had enough, Stevie moved to pull away, but Lindsey's grip on her tightened, preventing her to do so.

"Oh, now you react." She scoffed, moving away from him to lie on her back anyway. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just... I've got a lot on my mind." Lindsey sighed, rolling onto his side, he cupped her cheek with the palm of his hand.

"I guess, I'm not on your mind then." Stevie sat up, pushing the covers off herself. 

"Steph, no. Come on." He scooted over closer to her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Last night was..." He grew quiet, thinking of the right words to use. "Kristen and I had a fight. When we were on the phone, she was listening. I tried to make it seem like I was wishing Harry a good night, but I knew, she knew. She asked me, why I don't just leave her. I wanted to avoid that argument, so she said some things and left, but when I eventually went to bed, she wanted to talk. By talk I mean accuse me of having an affair."

"I hope, you denied it and made her believe that everything between you two is fine." Stevie spoke calmly, but inside she wasn't. Her heartbeat quickened, awaiting his response. She didn't honestly know, what she wanted to hear. 

"I just..." Lindsey shrugged. "I told her that every time things get a bit rocky, she says the same thing. We went back and forth, then I went to sleep in one of the guest rooms."

"Lindsey..." Stevie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You do realize that you and I will have to stop? You cheating on your wife with me isn't exactly right, but... at least we have this. Whatever this is." Stevie added, her fingers disappeared in his curls, when he lay his head in her lap. 

"I don't love her, Stevie. She doesn't make me happy."

"You've got those precious babies to think about." Her go-to argument every single time. 

"You make me happy." Lindsey continued. "I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I want to be excited about coming home, I want to be excited about being together with my family. Don't get me wrong, spending time with Will and Leelee was wonderful, but... I'm always tense. I'm afraid to take a step in the wrong direction, I'm afraid to say the wrong thing. I go to my studio to avoid it all. That's just wrong, feeling unwelcome in your own home."

"You're just a little emotional after yesterday, that's all."

"That's not true." Lindsey sat up, shaking his head. "I've never been happy with Kristen. She's not the person I'm supposed to be with."

"Lindsey-"

"No, listen to me for once." He interrupted, glad that Stevie seemed like she was actually going to hear him out. "I was an idiot, when I left you. I was an even bigger idiot, when I decided to marry her. I forced myself into that marriage, believing that it was the right thing to do, but it never was. I shouldn't have listened to you, I shouldn't have walked away. I should have stayed until you let me back in. I love you, Stevie, I always have and that's never ever going to change. Why do you insist on torturing us both? Why do you want me to stay with her? We could be happy, Steph. We could have the life we've always dreamed about."

It took a long moment for Stevie to respond, during which Lindsey had gotten worried. He thought, he knew what she was going to say, but he was completely wrong. 

"You really want to know why?" Stevie asked, giving him an out, but Lindsey nodded his head. "Because I'm scared of you leaving me again. You've cheated on me once, how can I be sure that it's not going to happen again? I can't go through that twice. I won't survive something like that for the second time."

Her words hurt, the meaning behind them hurt even worse. She didn't trust him still. "Do you honestly believe I would risk losing you again?"

"I don't know." Stevie shrugged, shifting her gaze so she didn't have to look at him. "What if you want me now? What if you go out one night and meet someone like Kristen again?"

"I swear to you-" Lindsey reached for her hand, sandwiching it in between both of his. "Stevie, I would never. If I were so lucky, if you gave me another chance, I would never do anything to ruin it. You and Harry, you two are all I want."

"I- I think, I should go back to my room tonight." Stevie said after a minute, pulling her hand away from Lindsey's touch. "There's nothing else I can tell you tonight."

"Steph, no, please don't go." Lindsey got on his knees to reach for her again. "I won't be able to fall asleep, thinking that I've ruined this already."

"You haven't, really. But I... I need to think." She gave him a weak smile, which he didn't find all that reassuring.

"Tell me, we're okay."

"We are." Stevie nodded, pecking him on the lips. "We are, but I need to- to leave right now."