Love The Way You Lie

27. Goodbye

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hey guys! This chapter means a lot to me... I hope you like it even if the content is difficult...
** advice for music: if you can, play the song on a loop for the whole chapter!**

Love you all 3000,

Enjoy❤️
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As we got up the stairs I texted an Uber to come in 35 minutes at the address. I closed my phone and stepped into my room as Tom was already sitting on the bed with a worried expression. I was so scared at what he would say. I closed the door, took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

"Tom... I am leaving..." I shyly whispered.

"What? What do you mean you're leaving?!" He said with a serious voice as he stood up, rushing toward me.

"I'm not ok Tom. I thought I was better. I mean... I was. I've never been happier when I was with you. But... I've been pushing aside for so long my troubles and... they are starting to catch up to me... and... I can't... I can't pretend that they don't exist anymore..." I sobbed as Tom was trying to look me in the eyes, but I couldn't open them. It would hurt too much.

"Darling what are you talking about?! I— I don't understand... I can protect you... I can help you. You might be a bit troubled but it's gonna be ok..." he whispered softly with a shaky voice.

I opened my eyes to meet his. Tears were forming in his deep comforting brown orbs. I knew that if... if I didn't... break us... I wouldn't be able to leave. I needed him to let me go... to let me get better so I could come back a full person... so I could be the girl he fell in love with.

"Tom you don't understand. I need space. I need... need to breathe. I can't stay here and... pretend that this is ok. I'm... tired of hiding my problems! You don't know half of what I've been through, what I've felt! And the worst part is... I thought you could help me... but there's nothing you can do... I need to clear my mind... to... fix myself." I cried with a bit of anger building up as I pushed away from him, gesturing as I tried to control my pain.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO BE FIXED!" He shouted as tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"YES I DO!" I yelled back on the edge of cracking.

"Why?!" I asked sternly.

"Because!" I answered not wanting to let out my real problem. I didn't want him to know what I was feeling but, I felt like it would all explode.

"WHY!? The least you could do, if you truly love me, is tell me WHY THE FUCK YOU'RE LEAVING ME?!", He screamed  while crying with anger and worry in his voice.

"I CAN'T TELL YOU TOM!" I shouted with pain as I broke down.

"WHY NOT!" He shouted with a broken face.

"BECAUSE YOU WON'T LOOK AT ME THE SAME WAY! You really think you can look at me the SAME way after you found out I was suicidal sometimes... because THAT'S the word. Suicidal. I have thought about killing myself... multiple times. Do you want to know why..?! Because I feel alone. I feel numb. I feel like there's no love in my life. I feel so alone that I think that by dying... I might feel more love, dead than alive... I believe that by killing myself at least I'll feel something. You wanted to know... so there you go!! That's why I can't be with you. Because even if I love you, and I DO! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! I can't risk breaking anymore. If... If you were to stop loving me... I don't know what I would do. And... and I can't ask that much from you. I can't put that much responsibility on your shoulders. I just can't...", I couldn't control the tears falling down my cheeks as my voice was breaking through the pain of my words while yelling at him.

"Emily please... I love you... please don't do this. It's not your decision to make whether I can handle this or not.", Tom said as he cried while looking deep into my eyes. "I... I can't lose you... I want you. Just you. Good and bad. I would never leave you! I know... I know it's hard sometimes but... but WE can get through this. So please Baby don't do this. Don't go." He said as he cupped my face and tried meeting my eyes as I couldn't look at him anymore. My heart was breaking...

It was too hard. My phone rang to indicate that my taxi was here. The bus would be arriving at the station soon. I looked up at Tom's devastated sad eyes and said:

"I'm sorry..."

I took my bag and ran down the stairs. Tears were falling down my face as I walked down the hall through the front door. I could hear Tom begging me and yelling my name, but I tried concentrating my mind on my heartbeat to block out his breaking screams. I quickly climbed into the backseat and said to the man to drive as I closed the car door. Tom placed his hands on the window, making me place mine against the closed glass.

"I love you... Goodbye Thomas..." I cried as the car started.

As we drove away, I could hear Tom screaming my name while standing in the middle of the street I had grown up on. I could see Tom's face Breaking of sadness as I drove away from him. I turned around as it was soul breaking to watch him in pain. I had to leave before it got worse. I couldn't handle being the one who could hurt him, but it was the only way. I didn't realize how much I loved him before I left... But it was better this way. At least until I got better. I couldn't have him enter my toxic world and risk affecting him or our love. I have to get better. Maybe one day, he'll forgive me. Maybe one day, he'll forget me... all I know, is that right now, I'm going to close my eyes and sleep through the sound of my heart breaking.