COntRol

9

⚡COntRol⚡
Chapter 9

One month later...
[Kaminari's POV]

Over the last weeks, things have changed.

Too much.

Skipping classes became a regular for me.

Aizawa had stopped caring, ignoring me and expecting no less.

All I could feel was the pain and need to be sick each time I look or even think about Kirishima and the feeling that everyone in class kept staring at me, no matter what I did.

That all eyes were on me.

Of course, no one did look at me, but I still felt like they did. Even in the middle of class, when I'm writing down notes of Aizawa's lectures, I could feel the stares. Just like that time when Aizawa had called me out.

Made everyone laugh at me.

I think that was what happened somewhere in the third week. I hear laughter. Jeering laughter. Laughing at me. Shaming me. Echoing torturously in my head. The deadly songs of a siren.

And yet each time I look up, no one is looking at me. They're too busy minding their own business.

Things just keep gradually getting worse. I feel judged. A complete outcast.

I want to go back to being the old Kaminari so bad! I want to b-but I don't... remember who he was!

I d-don't know how... to be happy anymore...

I want to believe that my feelings for Kirishima would change. I've heard people fall out of love multiple times! They finally let the reality of their feelings being unrequited sink in and move on! They realise that their "lover" wasn't who they thought they were! They then find themselves drifting away from that person and going about their normal lives!

Safe from the dangers of a broken heart.

But I felt like I've walked straight into the flame that would burst into an inferno.

Everything I wanted to believe was the reality turns out the complete opposite. I can't find any flaw in Kirishima! The more I search, the more I find myself falling for him! L-Loving him! I c-can't fall out of love when I love him too much! And I...

I don't want to drift away from him!

Why did I fall in love with him?! I had always saw him as a friend! We would've been fine if this didn't happen! I-If he hadn't done that stupid fake confession! M-Maybe I wouldn't feel this pain? Maybe I would be happy for them still? Maybe I wouldn't fear losing Kirishima or being not good enough for Kirishima or never...

All the thoughts filling my head were 'What if's.

Never what is.

I don't want to live in this world of what is.

He's beginning to enter my dreams as well. Haunt them. To another person, those dreams would be pleasant to live in. Maybe, if Bakugo was in Kirishima's place, then they would be the type of dreams Kirishima would have. But I could only feel pain. Hurt. For being naïve and walking right off that cliff, doing nothing more but fall deeper as a consequence. For knowing that Kirishima wasn't mine.

I knew love could do this! I knew not to jump off so recklessly if I had no idea what I'd fall into! Yet I did!

And it hurts so much!