COntRol

11

⚡COntRol⚡
Chapter 11

[Kaminari's POV]

Sleep was far beyond my reach.

I'm scared to close my eyes. I'm scared of being with myself. I'm scared of never finding a light that might not ever be in this darkness!

Paranoia.

What if I do something wrong? What if I scream again? Do something I'll regret? Blow my cover and reveal... this version of myself? Wh-What if...

What if I h-hurt Kirishima again?

My thoughts dive deeper into the dark chasm.

What if this happens again?! Wh-What if I shout at Kirishima again?! Force him out of my room or leave him alone without any actual reason?! What if my quirk goes out of... c-control again...

Eventually, my mind was so restless that I was desperate for a release. My joints ached slightly as I push myself out of the freezing covers, hobbling towards the window and opening it out as far as possible. Then, after pulling over one of my black sweaters and covering my head with its hood, I slip a leg outside, only to hear a stifled sob release from somewhere at the back of my throat.

I couldn't let go. Not... Not yet...

It was a relatively large drop down to the ground, but I survived, my joints and muscles aching a little from the impact with the ground. Though, immediately afterwards, I force myself to move. To venture. To get lost.

Further and further into the woods.

I don't care where I went - that was a problem for later.

Somewhere, surrounded by nothing but trees and dying leaves washed out by the blinding moonlight, I release it. Not just the tears. The sobs. The screams.

Everything.

Where did I go wrong?! Why does it feel like I'm fading away?! Losing myself?!

Why does this pain never go away?! Why is it always there?! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING MOMENT I TRY TO GET RID OF IT, IT JUST COMES BACK!

IT'S JU-ust... there...

A-All the time. A-And I want a break! I want it to stop! I...

I want to breathe...

But I can't, goddamn it! It's always breathing down my neck! I'm trying to fight it but it won't go away!

I see myself only getting worse! I'm paying attention to my failing grades! To the amount of times I've had to skive! To the number of moments I've been staring specifically at Kirishima!

At his arm entwined with Bakugo's - goddamn it why can't I just mind my own business?!

And to my good-for-nothing, awful quirk.

I hate it. I hate myself! I blame myself! I blame Kirishima! I blame anyone who turned a blind eye on me! Who thought that I was alright when, in reality, I'm sinking! L-Losing... sight of the surface!

Will... Will anyone see me?

The screams didn't help at all. Neither did the sobbing. Nor the release of tears.

I was met with the eerie comfort of silence, besides my own raging breaths. Nothing but the rustle of leaves scraping along the floor as the wind carries them.

My quirk going out of control.

Again.

I was on a short fuse. I've had enough. This was enough!