COntRol

12

⚡COntRol⚡
Chapter 12

30 minutes prior...
[Kirishima's POV]

I shouldn't be pacing around my room. I shouldn't be acting so nervous and on edge.

But, at that moment, I couldn't help it!

Kaminari was hiding something from me! It's serious! But, god fucking damn it, he's not telling me anything! He's keeping secrets locked away in a vault! He hasn't even left his room for the past five days!

He's all I can think about! I don't know why he's acting so strange! I'm h-his best friend! A-And I don't even know what's... f-fucking wrong with him!

I gnaw on my lip anxiously, venting all of my thoughts into the open.

"... and I swear I did nothing wrong! I don't remember doing anything wrong! I mean, maybe I did, b-but I don't remember him being hurt! Why is he suddenly avoiding me?! He's my best friend and, suddenly, he's become a mystery! I want to help him and ask him what's going on bu-"

"Kirishima!"

I snap out of my trance, my head snapping up to look at the boy laying across the beanbag I had bought this year.

Katsuki. My boyfriend.

Fuck.

I forgot that he was here.

Sighing out and dropping my arms, I tilt my head down in shame, sauntering my way towards him.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I know," he says.

"I swear it won't happen again," I say.

"I know," he says

"I-I promise I'll make it up to you!" I say.

"I know."

Those two goddamn words. Monotoned and automatic. Telling me so much. That he was giving up on me. That I was tethering with the strings tying us together. That he expected nothing less from me.

What have I done?

My legs felt like jelly when his beautiful ruby orbs look up to me. Hopeless. Offering me no comfort unlike how they used to.

I don't blame him.

Goddamn it, Eijiro! If I weren't going to be committed to being in a relationship with Katsuki in the first place then why the hell are we still together!

This is a fucking date! And here I am ranting about my own problems and...

I-I can't​​​ blame Kaminari...

It wasn't his fault that I wasn't being good to my boyfriend! I had sworn, from my confession, that I would cherish and be committed with my relationship with Katsuki. But, at this point, I'm using him to my disposal. I need to remember that he is mine; that I had finally gotten what I wanted to be mine. A-And I still want him!

So why aren't I treating him like I should?

Why am I not committing myself? Why am I not f-fucking grateful that he said yes?!

Those all can't just be words! I'm supposed to be showing him that! The world doesn't circle just around me! I have to consider Katsuki! I should be! I-I... I love him!

And he loves me...

And I'm just throwing it all back into his face.

The pent-up frustration in my chest was growing heavy. Aching. Driving me insane. The only thing that stopped me from screaming was dropping to my knees, squeezing the tightest of hugs around Katsuki's waist, praying that he wouldn't leave me. That he still hoped that I was the one he was looking for. Because he was the one I had wanted for all my life here!