Bruised In Silence

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Ginising ko muna si Bella dahil hindi ako makatayo dahil nga humihiga siya sa lap ko.

"Bakit?" wala sa sariling tanong niya habang kinusot-kusot pa ang mata. Sinenyasyan lang siya ng kung ano ni Rian kaya umayos kaagad siya ng upo.

"Esher, can we talk?" seryosong tanong ko sa kanya.

He looked at me, but his eyes isn't the same way he looked at me before. It screams coldness and nothing more. Hindi siya tumango o kung ano man. He just turned his back against me and walked. Napapikit ako bago siya sinundan. We are both silent in the elevator at subrang layo namin sa isat-isa.

Sinusundan ko lang siya kung saan naka park ang sasakyan niya. It was already evening and the cold breeze of the wind sent shiver to my body. Binuksan niya ang pintoan ng kotse kaya pumasok ako. Nakatingin lang ako sa harapan hindi alam kung paano ko siya kakausapin. Parang na mental block ako. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng tama. Sumasabay din dito ang malakas na kabog ng dibdib ko.

"What do you want to talked about?" he asked coldly without looking at me. Nakatingin lang siya sa harapan niya kaya nasasaktan akong tumingin sa kanya.

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered under my breath. I hope he heard that dahil kinakain na ng sakit at hapdi ang buong pagkatao ko.

"Why are you saying sorry? We don't have any responsibility to each other." I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from sobbing.

He looked at me without any emotion. I tried to remember my position in his life and he is right. We don't have any responsibilities to each other ever since.

There's no us and it will never happened.

Pero para saan yung mga salitang mahal kita? Laro lang ba yun? Sinabi lang ba niya iyon dahil nadala lamang siya ng damdamin niya? Parang may pumiga ng subrang higpit sa puso ko habang iniisip iyon.

"B-Bring back my E-Esher, please..." utal kong sabi at unti-unti nang napapaligiran ng luha ang mga mata ko.

I'm always asking myself the moment I meet and know him. Why was it's easy for me to open up on him? Why I always let my emotion control me if I am with him? My life becomes an open book... I can express my feelings well... I don't have to hide who I am because his presence assured me that he won't judge... that he will understand and accepted the flaws that I have.

My heart love him, that's why. That reasons is enough why I am so attached to this man.

At this moment while looking into his eyes. I cannot see the man I love. I cannot see the man I know. I cannot see the man who gave me the reason to fight. I even promised that I won't leave him. He gave me reason to fixed myself.

I cannot see my Esher Zaniel to him. His cold. There's no love anymore or that's what I thought.

The deepest of his eyes told me the fear, pain, and longing he tried to hide under the coldness. I could feel myself trying to conceal my sob, but I just can't.

"B-Bring back... the man I love please..." I painfully added tinakpan ng mga palad ko ang mukha ko at doon na unti-unting nahulog ang mga luha ko.

I cannot bear this anymore. It's so painful.

Bakit masakit ang magmahal kung nagmahal ka lang naman? It's not love when there's no pain. Kung totoo nga ang pag-ibig bakit kailangan pa nating masaktan?

Mas lalo akong umiyak ng maramdaman ko ang paghigit niya sa akin para sa isang yakap. I cried more because I cannot feel my home in his arms. I cannot feel the warm everytime he comforted me. I cannot feel anything.