✨ A Little Bit of Magic || READER X RAY || The Promised Neverland

✨ Chapter Forty Three

It was dark outside. The windows on the other side of the room were left open, the thin lavender colored curtains swaying gently in the wind. A large white crescent moon stared back at me, as if telling me to go back to sleep. But I think I've had enough rest. I wonder how long I've been here, well, in the infirmary that is. I'm all too familiar with this room, as I've used it as a hiding space often. My left arms throbbed painfully, while my right felt surprisingly fine. How come only half of the damage healed? It's- It's really strange.

The last thing I remember was Zack telling me to cast a combustio on him. A basic pyro spell, like ignit, but far more explosive. I guess I successfully retracted the spell, but how? I tried both dispique and reique, but it didn't 'dispell' or 'return'. I even tried putting out the fire with a 'hydrum' water spell. It didn't react to my magic. So what did it react to? I sighed deeply, distressed with the sudden dead end I'd found myself in. I wish everything that's happened recently was a coincidence. But is that just wishful thinking? My life, though sad and lonely, was going fine until I had to start taking pyro. And then I had to remember the pain, the accident that was more of a murder than a random brute from the streets. it hadn't dawned on me before, but my memories of anything before the incident were faint. Something was wrong with me. Or had I locked myself up for so long I'd really just forgotten? I glanced at the black haired boy beside me, who had started to snore. His spiky hair grazed my arm, his hands still clutching mine. I stopped a sigh from escaping my lips.

I wish I could bring myself to hate you, Ray. I wish I could forget this too, y'know. I wish I could forget Zack, and Oliver, and the party and the rejection. I wish I could go back to not caring, to having an empty head and meaningless thoughts. Life was easier back then. Lonely, but easier. I didn't have to think about how I retracted a nuke of a spell. I didn't have to think about what I wore or how I acted. I didn't have to look for a gang of stupid idiots who insisted we eat together. I didn't have to rush to the library to see a certain emo cyclops. I didn't have to spend my weekends with a dense boy from the sports team. I- I didn't- A tear dripped down my cheek, falling onto Ray's hand. My chest burned from the cries I held in, but I didn't want to wake him up. I tried wiping off the tear with my shirt, but more followed. His finger twitched, disturbed by my actions. "y-y/n?" He muttered, slowly pulling himself upwards. I fell back into the cot, playing dead- or rather asleep. That was a better way to phrase it. I heard him yawn loudly, as if that was the first wink of sleep he'd gotten in a while. "y/n, you're awake?" His hand, which I had grown comfortable with, had slipped away. Maybe I should have admitted it- that I was up. Then I could have held onto that warmth a little longer.

Wait a second. What am I thinking? These words- These thoughts- are they really mine? In what world would I like this idiot? This stupid, strict, nerd of a boy. I've just been deprived of love. I've just been deprived of nice, comfy hand holding. That's why I'm feeling this way. Like- warm and fuzzy inside. Not because of Ray.

"Are you really sleeping this time, dummy? Or are you pretending so you can try to steal another one of my secrets?"

Ah. I almost forgot about that. I was careless and let it slip my tongue, when I should've been more careful with my words. Ray's whole point in admitting he had a crush to a sleeping me was because he knew I'd tease him about it. And I went and teased him about it. Great. Ugh, I'm such a clumsy idiot! God damn it! I heard his jacket shuffle with his movements, a weight sinking the mattress right behind me. Why am I tricking him again? Why didn't I just say 'hi' and wake up like a normal person? I really just-

"The girl I like is you, y/n."

"What the fuck?" I blurted out, exposing my lie. Ray immediately burst into a laugh, catching me red handed. Ray wasn't stupid. He was the smartest in our class. So why did I think he'd fall for the same thing twice? "You- You idiot!" I hissed, punching him with my right hand. It only made him laugh harder, an uncomfortably nervous feeling settling into my stomach. It wasn't- It wasn't those damn butterflies, like whenever I was happy, excited, or with Zack. But rather... disappointment? Was this disappointment? But for what? These days, I can't seem to make heads or tails of anything. My feelings for Zack. What to do with my wand. How to help Emma the way she's helped me. Even choosing something to prioritize is a seemingly impossible task.

But I know if I'd ask her, she'd say that same thing.

"Choose what makes you happy, y/n!" And then she jumped behind me, giggling the whole way. And then she almost strangled me, albeit accidentally. She covered my eyes with her tiny hands. "Can you see anything?" I shook my head no. "What're you doing, silly?" Her fingers trembled, holding in what I assumed to be a laugh. "What do you see?" "You just asked me if I saw anything. I see nothing, Emma." "No, not like that! What's the first thing you think about when you close your eyes? What hot boy do you see? What magical object or artifact appears in your head?"

In the darkness of my obstructed field of vision, I saw a face. The black transformed into a certain someone's messy black bedhead and lopsided bangs. I don't believe this. I can't believe this. I blinked, and Ray was still chuckling in front of me. I liked that face, that stupid Ray's wide grin and stifled laughter. But I don't think I'm ready to admit it just yet.