Life On the Fjords

Unsteady

I didn't mean it.

Jamie hadn't left his room or said a word for hours. He was called for dinner, but he had no appetite. He lied on his sheetless bed, clutching his pillow as he mulled over the cruelty he'd spit out at his own brother. Where had such malicious words come from? How did he ever apologize?

I'm sorry, Jack. He cried in his head and buried his face into his pillow. He didn't hate him. He wasn't even mad at him. But Jamie had never had to process grief before, unlike him. No one in the family knew how Jamie would behave when he was running on pure emotions, whether he'd shut down or explode. It appeared to be a conglomeration of both.

He thought about what Pippa would say, Don't you dare hide your feelings from me.

...He missed Pippa. He missed her sweet voice, her melodic laugh, her fiery-red hair. Even though he would like to see Caleb, Claude, and even Monty again for some sense of familiarity, it was Pippa he longed for most of all... but she wasn't even there waiting back at the fjord.

The house was relatively quiet that evening. Mary didn't even have anything to say to Jamie when she came to their room to get ready for bed. However, she did mutter, "You should tell Jack you're sorry."

"I don't know how." He croaked.

Mary hadn't expected that response and she looked at him, full of feeling. She awkwardly rubbed her arm, "Maybe ask him if he needs help with the dishes. Oh—wait, Elsa's helping him."

"I don't hate Elsa," Jamie whispered, admitting it to himself. "I'm glad she makes Jack happy."

"Then why'd you say you didn't like her?"

"I don't know."

A quiet moment went by, the two at a loss. Mary sensed it then—her intuition told her just what it was that was haunting him. "Do you miss Pippa?" Jamie looked up at her. "I miss her too... Sometimes I forget that she's even gone. Being mad about it isn't going to make it any better."

"Jack said there was nothing for him back at home... Maybe there's nothing there for me either."

Mary grimaced, her voice becoming soft, "...You've got me. We've got Jack. He and Elsa are gonna take care of us. That makes me happy." She paused, her voice strained, "I know Pippa wouldn't want you to be sad like this. She always wanted us to be happy."

That made Jamie break and he was reduced to a sobbing mess, though quietly and into his pillow. Mary crawled onto the bed next to him and held his hand. Comforting people wasn't quite second nature for Mary, but she'd learned well enough from years of watching their beloved, red-haired friend.

...

When Elsa had fallen asleep, Jack found himself struggling just to close his eyes despite how exhausted he was—physically and emotionally. He crept up out of bed and out to the living room where he lit a small fire. Sitting in front of it was soothing; sometimes he just liked to watch the flames.

He hoped this would eventually make him feel relaxed enough to go back to bed, but the day's argument kept rattling in the back of his mind, how it had all gone unresolved. He knew Jamie didn't actually hate him, but to see him angry enough to say it at all was what was hurting him.

Things were supposed to be better since they got away from that freak. Why were they worse? His brother knew that he was a murderer... how could he ever live with that? How could he raise a child when he'd taken the life of another human being? His father had killed their mother, what if he hurt somebody else? Elsa? The twins? His baby?