Snap Out Of It (Wolfstar Fanfiction)

5 - Love Is A Laserquest

Once Lily left the temporary happiness that he had had quickly disappeared. For his entire life, he'd described himself as introverted, yet as of late the only thing keeping him sane seemed to be others' presence. As soon as the door shut behind the redhead, the thoughts and curiosities swiftly returned, infecting his mind yet again.

What is Sirius doing right now? Remus wondered, resting a palm on his knee. He longed to know what Sirius was doing, there were endless possibilities. At that very moment, Sirius could have been moving on, or he could've been being equally as pathetic as Remus. The image that Sirius had someone else over, a replacement, haunted Lupin's mind, and he could only hope his thoughts weren't true.

It had never been rare to catch Remus pulling an all nighter or something along those lines, yet tonight he decided to actually go asleep before sunrise, some would assume that was an alien concept to the boy. 

Waking up is never fun. Especially when it's much earlier than you would have liked. The '9' flashed tauntingly on his clock, rubbing it in his face that he'd woken up before midday and was now obligated to being awake for longer than he'd like. As always, his first thought was him, and how desperate he was to forget about him. If only he could pretend that he was merely just some lover and nothing more, not who he thought would be 'the one'.

An idea, a very stupid one, sprung to his mind. Anyone with a brain would know that Remus was wise enough not to do it. But that was before his heart had shattered into innumerable pieces. Now, every one of his actions were irrational and reckless, he didn't care enough to think about what he was doing. All that he wanted was Sirius, and that seemed to be impossible to achieve.

With a small, devious smile, he quickly got ready, spending extra time in the shower than he would usually. After having a chocolate bar and brushing his teeth, he swung the door open, only to dramatically close it. Double checking soon turned to octuple checking, until he finally decided that he was ready to go. With the help of a moment of consideration, he decided to walk there, since he'd likely be incapable of legally driving home.

Usually he'd despise this little plan, and refuse to ever do it, however this 'break up' had really had a toll on him, he needed to numb the pain and this certainly seemed like the perfect way to do so. It was the best idea he'd had by far to forget - even if it was temporary - about the pain that Sirius had caused him. And maybe, just maybe, it'd assist him in the journey of hating him. Plus, the setting could even help him move on.

Some would argue that it was way too early for drinking, and to that Remus would say, 'shut up, I'm heartbroken'. Or perhaps he'd just nod along and stay silent since confrontation was scary... But he'd want to say the former.

When he arrived at the bar, he noticed that he was shaking. From nerves, excitement, or both? He had no idea, but it didn't stop him from entering the small building, filled with desire for an escape.

His palms sweating, he sat himself at a barstool. Within a few seconds, the bartender came over, letting Remus catch a whiff of her cigarette aroma. He'd came here for an escape, not to fucking be reminded of Sirius yet again.

Ordering had always been a challenge for him. As usual, he stumbled slightly on his words, but for the most part he was okay. Eager for the drinks to arrive, he moved to the edge of his seat, chewing on his lip. When the cup was finally pushed over to him, he impatiently took it from the woman and downed it. It probably wasn't the best idea, considering it was vodka, but he didn't have any fucks left to give. The rational side of him was begging him to leave it there, but the careless side won the battle, convincing himself he needed another.

Before he knew it, Sirius just seemed like a distant memory. That was how Remus liked it, not thinking of him twenty four seven. Somewhere, he was still in the back of his mind, but he didn't feel upset, he didn't feel much of anything at that moment really. His head was floating, and for some reason he didn't even mind.