Girl in a Hoodie: Where the Future Lies

Chapter 55

Riley's POV:

Ellie had fallen asleep. It was now ten o'clock in the evening and James and I were both laying in bed with the lights still on. We faced each other with our bodies lying down sideways as he ran his fingers up and down my exposed arm. I was slowly drifting to sleep, my eyes closing every once in a while, but each time they did, I could feel his eyes watching me which prevented me from actually getting to rest. So I sit up properly against the headboard and he does the same, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder tiredly. 

I looked into the closet mirror in front of us and looked at how composed we appeared to be, like the perfect couple or pair of teenage lovers who had everything go easy for them. We both know the truth though and how complicated life can get. He rubbed and massaged my legs under the duvet, my skin warming up to the touch of his palm and as I looked up at him, I gave him a playful smile to which he reciprocates.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I whisper. The bedroom door was closed so I know that Dad couldn't hear us, but I was still that exhausted that I felt the need to speak inscrutably quietly. James looks at me with a blank expression, but I know he was procrastinating on talking to me. I make the same look to him sometimes when he's wondering what's going on with me. It's weird being on the other side of things and having him keep a secret from me. And here I was, thinking we told each other absolutely everything. "You said you needed to tell me something," I mumble, "I'm ready to listen."

He exhales, his hand pausing it's fragile rubbing on my thigh. 

James's POV:

I look at her face. And how happy she looked. She's rarely this cheerful and I don't want to break that now. All her life she's been worrying, anxious about everything that comes towards her and it's very occasional for her to not be bothered about anything. I just wish that things were mutual so that we could both be happy with each other at one time, rather than have her happy when I'm not. And having her stress when I'm laid-back. 

I've told her everything about me and she's told me everything about her. But never has one of us told the other person something they didn't know about themselves. She's never told me something I didn't know about my family, but now I have to tell her this big thing where I have no idea what her reaction could be.

"Please tell me, Jay," she says. She smiles sweetly when she says it, placing a finger under my chin to turn her gaze to my eyes. "What is it?"

"I love you so, so much, Riles," I tell her. She blushes a little, her smile broadening as I move my hand to place on her hip and I brush my thumb over it repeatedly. 

"I love you too." Her lips press onto mine for a few seconds before she pulls back. "But that's not what you wanted to tell me, is it?" she asks. I shake my head. "So tell me. You know what it's like when I don't tell you things and you get all queasy because you feel like you've done something wrong when you haven't. Well, I'm pretty much feeling that way right now, babe, so please say it."

"No, Ri. I promise you that you haven't done anything wrong at all," I tell her. Her eyes soften when I hold her hands and kiss the knuckles of one of them. I sigh, trying to come up with a way to tell her what I know I had to. How do you tell your wife that the mother they'd always dreamt of meeting and finally got to do so wasn't her actual mum and was in fact her aunt who pretended to be her mum for whatever unknown reason I can't explain and that her actual mother is still elsewhere? She wouldn't be able to believe it and would possibly deny it. I know Riley and I've grown fond of her reactions, knowing exactly how she'd feel about a certain thing.

"Are you...? Do you want us to...? Is our relationship...?" she tries to conker up the courage to ask. Although they weren't proper questions, it was enough intel for me to get an idea of what she was trying to ask me, so again, I shake my head to an extreme amount.