Girl in a Hoodie: Where the Future Lies

Chapter 66

James's POV:

I enter the staff room whilst texting Riley to check how she was doing, holding my phone in my left hand and using my one thumb to type whilst my other hand held my briefcase folder. Since we had been texting beforehand, she replies to my question straight away by telling me to stop texting her since she was in the middle of watching a tv series and she needed to pay attention, so I roll my eyes to myself before sending her a crying with laughter and kissing face emoji then I slide my phone into my back pocket. 

When I look up, I find that in front of me, Desirée was sat on the sofa with Adonis and they were both talking about the next Black Friday sale coming up. Robbie was making a coffee by the counter so I put my folder down by the bottom edge of the leather seating before making my way over to him to make myself a cup of tea. Once he puts the freshly boiled kettle down, I take it from him and worm my fingers around the handle, somewhat gaining his attention as he looks up at me.

"Oh, hey, James," he says, stirring his hot drink with the metal spoon. I nod in his direction, just enough to acknowledge him. "How's life been treating you?" he asks. I smirk to myself, citing the way he phrases his words, but I turn around to face him properly, noticing Desirée look at us both out of the corner of my eye. I ignore her and continue talking to Robbie.

"Good, man. You?" I ask him in return. He shrugs.

"How's Riley doing? I spoke to her the other time but she seemed a bit shaky, did something happen?" he asks. I raise an eyebrow, putting the kettle back down.

"Really, when? I mean, she's had a lot going on lately so I'm not sure what exactly she could have been worried about."

"Well, I'm not exactly sure what, since she didn't tell me but she was in a bit of a hurry. It was quite a while ago, though, when she came here to see you but I had to show her where to go by Carlos's request. She seemed a bit distracted, to be honest." I almost drop my cup but thankfully place it on the counter. I know what he was talking about. I know Desirée was listening in on our conversation, too. So I look at her before shaking my head and looking up at Robbie again.

"Look, don't bring this up again, please, okay?" I state, then push past him, leaving the tea placed on the desk and leave the room to get some space away from everyone. 

I walk into the room next door, the student lounge, and see that no one else was in there so I walk over to stand by the window with my face held in my hands as I thought over what I had done on that day. I cheated. Kissed someone else when I was married. And Riley forgave me. She shouldn't have but she did. 

I was on my way to committing a crime of infidelity and on that exact afternoon, Ri had come in to talk to me. We were arguing the days before. She commented on Dad's cancer and we were lying to each other. She came to the offices without letting me know first which means she was going to come and talk to me about something important. 

I was talking to Desirée about my relationship with Riley, how it felt wrong at that moment. I heard footsteps but I ignored them because Desirée continued talking. I could hear murmurs coming from outside of the room but didn't focus on them. It was Riley and Robbie. I heard Sheila, too. And the day after, it was Sheila who came and told me I had a lovely wife. I didn't even know Sheila and Riley had met each other but they did.

I was confused, worried, anxious. I never got anxious. I was panicking and fretting over my marriage with her, knowing that I loved her. I still do love her - more than anything. Riley was listening to our conversation and watched us kiss. When Desirée and I broke apart, she looked hurt; broken, dismissed, shattered. She had something to tell me. She wanted to talk to me. I ruined it by kissing Desirée. She was upset, annoyed and disgusted at my behaviour. So was I, the following day. 

She was going to apologise. 

She was sorry for what she had said and yet I didn't bother listening to what she had to say because of my self-centred self. She wanted to fight for us and fix us but I stupidly broke it. I ruined everything by having Desirée ramble onto me.

I pull out of my trance at the sound of the knock on the door along with someone saying my name. Desirée. She walks up to me, no longer keeping her distance as she places her hand on my back. I shrug it off.

"Don't touch me," I tell her forcibly, furrowing my brows.

"James-"

"No. Don't even talk to me, okay? You're my mentor. I'm your student. You're twenty-one and I'm eighteen. I'm married to Riley and I love her so get that through your head. Whatever happened between me and you never should have happened and I regret it more than anything. Ri's the love of my life, not you and I'm sorry. This relationship is wrong, so please just leave me alone." 

There it is. The urge of needing something to punch. My fist clenches and my teeth grit together inside my cheeks. I look in front of me and at her, hoping it'd be Riley for her to look me calmly in the eyes and tell me to calm down, take me by the hands and tell me that it's okay, tell me that I didn't need to feel this way. 

But all I see is Desirée, and because of that, all I can see is us two kissing and how much I hurt Ri. If I love her as much as I say I do then why do I hurt her so many times again and again? Why do I allow myself to watch her cry because of me? Why do I expect her to forgive me the next day and not seem heartbroken when she could be bawling her eyes out because of me in this current moment.

To stop myself from causing anymore trauma, I quickly make my way out of there and pat my knuckles against my other hand whilst making my way out of the building and towards my car. I don't exactly know what I was going to do, where I was going or why, but I know that I needed to get out of there and fast. Either that or I risk losing everything I've achieved so far and will have to start from square 1. I can't do that. So I prevent it by marching down the stairs and through the automatic doors to make my way to my car where, when I sit down, I put the key in the ignition and start the vehicle, revving my engine and breathing in and out deeply.

It's only now that I'm figuring out exactly what I've done and I can't help but feel angered at myself. Angered at what a shitty husband I've been these past few weeks.

A/N: There'll be a double-update today considering I've already typed up three more chapters, so be expecting another update soon! Also, this chapter wasn't really relevant, but think of it as a filler, lmao.