Girl in a Hoodie: Where the Future Lies

Chapter 17

Not proof-read.

Riley's POV:

As we turn the corner to where the cubicles were, away from the plug sockets where a girl slightly younger than me was blow-drying her hair, I catch James standing around the corner, not knowing that I had got him a certain 'present'.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I ask him, trying to suppress the grin on my face. He raises an eyebrow before looking down at the carrier bag I had in my left hand.

"Waiting...? What about you...?" he questions slowly.

"Um, no. We're going to be swimming too you know."

"What?" I take his swimming shorts out of the bag and throw them in his hands to which he frowns and sighs. "Seriously, Ri?"

"Yes. I need to do more exercise and so I'm going to be swimming and if I am, then so are you." He looks at me, clearly apprehensive and so I smack him lightly on the chest. "James!" I snap. He rolls his eyes.

"Okay, fine, whatever," he mumbles before grabbing my hand and then pulling me towards a cubicle. I resist, pulling back to which he opens his mouth slightly and pouts. "Please Ri," he begs. I shake my head, pursing my lips and knowing I was teasing him.

"I think I'd rather change in my own privacy," I state.

"Fine..." he huffs, allowing me to get changed on my own. I sleep in the same bed as the guy. I don't need to be around him so often to the point where we end up having a full-on make-out session in a public toilet cubicle. No, thank you.

Once I've changed, I unclip the back of my necklace and take it off, placing it in a sealable bag and closing it shut before putting it inside the bag with my clothes inside. I unlock the cubicle door, walking over to the sink where I tie my hair into a high messy bun before taking a look at myself. My belly is practically hanging and is on the edge of becoming swollen. I sigh as I shake my head lightly, taking in my reflection until Piper appears by my side and I see her smile by looking at the mirror.

"I don't know how you're so pretty," she says. I raise an eyebrow, not moving my eyes away to set them on her as I just continue to look at myself.

"Well that's a complete lie," I say. She shakes her head.

"No, it isn't. Not all girls can look as good as you in a bikini when pregnant at the age of eighteen," she states. I frown. "James did good," she adds before walking off and leaving, allowing me to delve into my own thoughts once again.

I know she's only saying it to reassure me. But sometimes it's just better to state the truth. Even though I know it's just the pregnancy taking control, it feels so deflating to know that I am going to have to lose all of the weight I put on after I give birth. I know that when I walk around with a small baby in my arms and people look at me, they wouldn't think I would be her mother. Perhaps they'd think I was the sister. However, if I was walking around with James and our baby girl, then it would be blindingly obvious she'd be mine and even though most people wouldn't really care, I know that I'd just feel judged and hurt and even slightly ashamed or like I'm a disgrace. I know that I'll love my daughter no matter what but at the same time, I know that I'd feel so uneasy and self-conscious. Not to mention the fact that James and I will have to move out of his mum's house since we can't live there forever, especially not with a baby in tow. 

I just feel so overcome with fear that I won't be looked at the same way ever again. Every time I pass someone from school, they won't look at me as the shy, weak, unconfident girl who somehow knows the answer to every maths or science equation. No. Instead I'll be looked at as the irresponsible, pathetic, careless girl who doesn't plan her life properly and in the right order. I couldn't even wait to get married until I got myself into this situation and now I'm going to have a wedding where the pictures would be of me, James and a massive baby bump between us. How unconventional is that? And then on the day we'll be receiving more gifts for the baby than for James and I as it would be all anyone would be able to think about. They'd be congratulating us out of pity. How charming for two teenagers who still haven't even figured out the main purpose of life to be starting their own family, raising money and trying to get enough earnings. Although saying that, I could also debate that the meaning and purpose of life is to love. You fall in love with someone and spend the rest of your days together. Well, James and I have already done that but I still can't fight the feeling that we completely rushed into it.