archives

chapter 15

Hajime's POV

I hold my face in my hands and I can feel how hot my cheeks are. So many thoughts are racing through my head and I cant bring myself to move.

Did I do something wrong? Maybe he's not into me. Maybe he doesn't even like guys. He won't ever talk to me again. I ruined everything. I was too sudden, this wasn't meant to happen....

I head begins to ache with all of the 'what if's' and it starts getting dark.

I gently touch my lips with my finger, trying to trace back that feeling of his lips against mine. He didn't kiss me back. But I don't blame him, after all I did just suddenly kiss someone that I barely even knew.

The image of his panicked and shocked face right after I kissed him crosses my mind again and I grip my hair with both of my hands. I feel so complicated.

I simply assumed that he liked guys because he was always so flustered whenever I gave him the slightest compliment. The way that the tips of his ears would turn a rosy shade of pink whenever I made physical contact with him. Even when I just looked at him a certain way he always looked down at his shoes, fidgeting with his clothing.

But maybe I misunderstood?

I let out a long sigh and after a couple minutes of thinking I straighten myself up.

My face still burns and my headache becomes stronger, but I still manage to pick my book up and get going. I wouldn't want an employee bothering me at this moment anyway.

Leaving the library and heading back to my apartment, I pull out my phone and begin typing without thinking.

Hajime: Hey. I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to kiss you... it was just.. idk. I'm sorry.

I hit send, clicking my phone off and shoving it into my back pocket.

I decided to walk back home, in order to try to get my mind some time to think. I end up taking a wrong turn which forces me to check my phone for directions.

I haven't gotten a reply yet, and he hasn't even read the message. I feel my heart drop in disappointment and search up directions.

After finding my way back home, I decide to calm myself down a bit by making something to eat.

I made some simple food and watched some television after eating. Just as I was about to go to bed, I hear my phone ding.

Nervous and excited, I jump up to grab my phone from the kitchen counter. I see a message from Nagito and I subconsciously bring my left hand to my mouth and begin to bite my nails.

I hastily read his reply.

Nagito: it's alright don't worry about it. it was just.. shocking that's all. i didn't expect it from you at that moment.

I let out a deep and heavy sigh, and the strange heaviness on my chest begins to lift.

So he's not angry at me, or upset. That's good... I think. His message didn't seem aggressive at all, just more shaken up.

"Ow. Shit" I say, as I pull my fingernail away from my mouth. I instantly see a small trickle of blood coming from the side of my nail. It's become a habit for me to bite my nails but I've never bitten them so much that they bled.

Before sending him a reply, I get up and grab a bandaid from a drawer. I put it on and return to the couch, laying down and holding my phone over my face.

Now that my finger is in a bandaid, it's difficult for me to type properly. So instead of our usual texts, I open his contact and press the call button, bringing the phone up to my ear and I hear the ringing.

After 4 rings, he picks up. There's a complete silence on the line for a solid minute, until I hear his voice.

"Uhm.. Hey" he says, his voice cracking a bit on the "Uhm". I grin as I imagine his face as he realizes how he sounds.

"Hi. I'm sorry" I simply say. I know I apologized before, but I wanted him to hear it verbally. He did seem as if he preferred talking much more than texting.

"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong I just wasn't ready for it". I can hear his light breathing after he finishes talking. It's somewhat calming in a way.

However I give myself a second to process his words. 'does that mean that he liked it? what does he mean by ready? does this mean that there'll be a next time??' I thought, feeling my mouth form a bigger smile.

"So does that mean you'll be ready next time?" I say with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. Our conversation seemed so tense, so I needed a way to lighten the mood anyway.

It's almost as if I can tell that he's blushing from just over the phone. The sound of his breathing speeds up and he starts to stutter on his words before taking a deep breath and trying again.

"I-I Uhm. I don't know how to answer that" he said. I could hear the shakiness in his reply, almost as if he was unsure of how to reply.

"Chill outtt I was only teasing you dumbass. Anyway, what're you doing". I tried to divert the subject as best as possible. I couldn't stand to imagine all the different scenarios after that response.

"I was actually about to go to bed. What about you?" he asks, I can hear the shuffling of sheets in the background.

I lick my lips, noticing that I'm getting nervous all of a sudden. I didn't even have a reason to though. Maybe because just talking to Nagito and imagining me kissing him again made me anxious.

"Oh uh.. Yea same here. Actually before you sleep, can I ask you a question?" I say, playing with the bandaid on my finger.

"Yea of course"

"To make up for last time, do you wanna come over to my place again?" I ask him and I feel my palms beginning to sweat.

"Are you sure..? I just don't want to make you upset again..." he replies, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Yes of course I'm sure. It won't be like last time. I just wanna make it up to you Nagito." I say back, feeling my face relax more.

"Okay, Im up for it. Just text me when".

"Got it. I should probably go to bed before I keep you up too late". I hear his sheets moving again.

"Mhmm. Goodnight Hajime" he says. I can tell he's sleepy from the way that he blurred his words together.

"Goodnight Nagito. Sleep well".

I hang up, placing the phone down on my chest.

I get to see him again soon and he doesn't hate me. God he's so wonderful. I place my hands on my face and realize what Im thinking.

I shake my head, trying to empty my mind of his words, the way he spoke, the way that he stuttered on his words and so much more. But shaking my head doesn't help. So instead, I decide to change and go to bed.

'Maybe sleeping it off will stop my thoughts' . I went under the covers and drifted off to sleep.

a/n: sorry for the kinda shitty chapter ;;. kinda struggled with putting the words together and making it make sense. but thank u for all the support on this book!! and again apologies for the extreme slow-burn!!! i will try my hardest to make the next chapters more interesting to read, until then, I hope u enjoyed! :)