depressive tendencies <3

30.

after being released from a mental hospital, you'd think you would be more mentally stable. i'm even more fucked up than i was. it's gotten so much harder for me since being home. i just want to see him. all the time. but there are so many things i can't do. none of my friends have asked if i've been ok or about what's been going on. my best friends mom had texted and asked more than anyone. i think tonight i finally realized that nobody cares. i've been going through so much and i have so many things to do but i have no more motivation. i still want to die. i still want to curl up in a ball and cry all the time. i'm constantly reminded of that when my brain isn't actively engaged in something. i've been having more and more hallucinations every day. i'll never admit that to anyone, because my mom and dad both think that they're fake. because of how they've treated me my whole life, i have trouble understanding that my feelings are in fact valid. i think that's all for now. i just want to be with him, that would make everything so much better. i feel so safe and warm when i'm with him.