depressive tendencies <3

47.

i don't think i'm cut out for relationships.

16 years of walking this earth and the longest i've been able to stay in one was a year and a half.

i know i'm the problem,

which is at least helpful.

but the instability of moving between men and trying to balance myself at the same time is simply too inconvenient for me.

maybe it's my lifestyle

maybe it's the bipolarity of jumping between sobriety and addiction all at once

maybe it's the sluttiness and christianity fighting one another to take hold of my life

the pathological liar and honest little girl in me constantly at war

maybe it's the eating disorder one day and egotistical bitch the next that's tearing me apart

the multiple personality disorder, depression, anxiety, and psychosis working together to tear me down.

i was told by my ex's mother that i need to learn to love myself before i can truly love myself, 

how can i when this is the person that lives inside of me?

i bounce between personalities almost as quickly as i jump from one guy to the next,

leaving them when they get too boring for me,

or at least whoever i'm pretending to be that day.