depressive tendencies <3

25.

i hate myself and maybe that's not a good thing. who cares though? the only person who knows the real me is my boyfriend. nobody else cares enough to get to know me. sometimes people ask if i'm ok and i tell them no. most of the time they just laugh it off. sometimes, they pretend to care. i've gotten used to being someone in the background. i'm not complaining about it either, because there's no point in that. i've gotten used to people leaving for someone better, someone smarter, someone prettier than me. that doesn't even bother me anymore. i think i've grown immune to the hurt of the world. not like anyone asks anyways. my own family has stopped asking if i'm alright. the only thing that heals me is the person i'm not allowed to have. i listen to music, but that just reminds me of them. i try to distract myself with whatever i can but it never works. i'm just wondering, what's the point? one day we're all going to be dead anyways. there was a time before humans and there will be a time after. eventually none of this will matter. especially not the parts where you were happy.