depressive tendencies <3

37.

it's something about being alone.

it always draws me back in.

ended relationships, broken hearts, suicidal thoughts

they all find comfort in the dark sea of loneliness .

knowing that they'll all drown eventually.

and me, all alone, watching as they sink to their death.

the sea motionless at first glance,

but after further examining, the seas are rough, tides crazily strewn; tsunamis and whirlpools occurring at the same time.

i, of course, instead of saving them, observe their cries for help,

finding humor in the suppressed emotions of myself.

without these feelings, i won't have to be around anyone or anything i care about

if i ignore the thoughts long enough, they go away.

they fall from the cliff where i stand, and into the open ocean to their unavoidable death.

but always,

they resurface, lifted up by the voices around me

i cry and cry, waiting for myself to push them off the cliff again.

but some, they'll never go away.

the fear of losing everyone i care about;

that could never subside.

my mom always reminds me that it all ends eventually,

but she has no idea of the nights i've spent on the edge of that cliff, tempted to jump into the inevitability of faith. 

the tears shed because of the losses i face every day.

lost friends,

lost family,

and losing myself.

each day, another piece of me is ripped away by the demons that reside in my mind.

and just once, i'd like a break from their endless taunting.

<3,

zo.