LOVING THE DARK

Chapter 5

From: Connie♥
Hey Angel, you there?
Me and the guys are doing rehearsal today.
Want me to pick you up?

I received this again.  It's twice already he sent me, because I didn't reply.  I was on my way home and now I'm in my room.  Sitting to the window pathetically.  I maybe should walk away from his life before I got trapped in there.  So, message was deleted.

"Angel...honey, may I come in?"  Mom knocked slowly.

"Yeah."  I murmured.

"Are you okay?  You haven't spoken to any of us since we got home."  She joined me standing by the window.

"Still in shock.  But I guess I should be okay, right?"  I turned around.  "At the age of 20, losing sight should not be matter."

"It still is something, even for me, even for your father."  She whispered.  "But let us come into your life.  Let us be there with you..."

"Just work Mom, it's okay.  I still have a month to get ready."  I cracked up.

Suddenly in the middle of conversation, my phone rang.  I just wish it wasn't him.  But God spoke differently.  God knows I wanted him to call me, but I myself couldn't decide even, whether to take it or not.

"Connor's calling."  Mom got my phone from desk and gave it to me.

"He's just asking me to go out."  I stood still.

"You got my permission, honey.  Go.  Have fun with some friends.  There are nice people in Orlando."  She grabbed my shoulder.

"I don't belong there, Mom.  Unfortunately."  I shook my head.  "I don't want to get involved to something meaningful that soon will be vanished as I lose my sight.  I'm tired of regretting things."

"Baby, listen to me.  You're an adult.  You're wise enough for a real talk.  So let's do this.  Look.  None of this is our wish to happen.  None.  I know you feel disregarded, you feel forgotten, you feel excluded.  You already feel so.  And with the addition of this diagnose, it makes everything worst.  I know, Angel.  I'm your Mom.  But look.  Even after this stormy day, God gives you companion.  That guy, Connor.  He has a good heart.  He wants to talk to you, to get to know you more.  Even without me asking, I already saw it at the first time he greeted me in the hospital."

Mom's words just got me stabbed on chest.  So hurtful, so true.  I never intended to leave myself in misery.  I'm just scared that I raise my hopes too much on him.  That this loneliness might cause me more feelings to feel, or get me live in my imagination.

"But I know, you're scared of liking Connor.  Whether you have already, or just about to."  Mom ended the talk.

"I'm...not..."  I stuttered.

"Guess what?  So was I.  Because your father didn't easily come toward me like a Cinderella book."  Mom smiled and whispered.

"I'm just afraid that this is going to be wrong.  What if a month from now is the moment where I can't let him go anymore, Mom..."  I cried in her hug.

"Ssh...then don't ever let go."  She whispered again.  "You just met him yesterday.  Let it flow.  Connor will stay if he loves you."

"Oh my gosh..."  I stood in the mirror.  "Isn't this too early to talk about it?"

"That's the point!  Oh finally, that's my girl.  I never see you give up before you try.  Just go, see how the world works.  You said so yourself, you wanna use your eyes sight while you can."  Mom kissed my cheek.

"Okay..."  I breathed out.

"Call him."  Mom winked and left me alone.

Alright alright.  I should be brave.  Nothing would be too much if I hold mysel back, instead of building up nonsense walls to a very kind person.  He's a friend I needed the most out of this time.  Something I should cherish.

To: Connie♥
Hello boy!  Sorry I was out with my fam but now I'm home.
Ready to be picked in 15! :)x

Sent.  This has to be the way I lived my life before it's too late.  Or too dark.

I walked downstairs slowly with purse and phone in my pocket.  Orlando's sunny but I felt like wearing cardigan, crop-top, and jeans.  I meant this is the normal ones.  Don't really portrait me that wow, because I'm not.

"Angel, Connor's here!"  Mom shouted from our front door when I was at the kitchen, drinking my medicine before Connor saw it.

"Just a moment!"  I swallowed everything.  "Hey hey!"

"Thank you Mom.  I'll take a good care of her."  He hugged Mom.

"Wow..."  I smirked.  "Somebody got a move."

"I'm good, how do you take it?"  He pinched my cheek.  "Let's go!  They might kill me if I take too long."

"Okay let's go.  Mom I'm leaving!"  I hugged her then walked to his car slowly."

"Hey...you need help?"  Connor, he was standing by the passenger door to open it for me, but since I walked too slowly he came up to me.

"No, please don't.  I was just like..."  I stuttered.  No.  Stop it Angel.

"What?"  He helped me to climb.

"I fell on the floor in bathroom."  I rolled my eyes.

"What a solid girl...  You are just like me, completely."  He laughed.  "Shall we?"

"Sure sure!"  I excitedly cheered.

God, please, just today, let me be happy.