LOVING THE DARK

Chapter 8

Two weeks.  I have spent two weeks.  Still hiding it from Connor, but time would never slow down.  One treatment to another treatment.  One lie stacks another lie.  I was living in a complete frustration.  The count down is about to over.  And neither Doctor Jared nor my parents could save me when it's time.

"Good morning."  Mom opened my room's curtain.

"Morning."  I opened my eyes wide awake.  "There's still sunshine..."

"There still will."  She sit before me.  "You have plenty of time.  It's 24 hours multiply endless amount of year."

"But two weeks..."  I sighed, staring at my journal.

"You need time for yourself?"  Mom noted my attention.

"If you don't mind."  I hugged her.  "Have a safe work Mom."

"I love you sweetheart.  Meals are downstairs."  She closed my door slowly.

It's not that my body was getting any better.  Harder to speak, harder to walk.  No matter how hard I tried to describe my trembling body, the condition was always a lot more devastated than that.  This devil ate me slowly from inside, and it almost left nothing.

Dear you...

I started to write.  Kept writing during my last time.  I wanted to leave Connor something when he got home, at least.  Yes he was on the post-tour headlining Meet and Greet session around the country.  It will take them a week to 10 days to go round and do all the scheduled interviews and features.  I saw my boyfriend a lot on TV.  He's in Ohio, he's in New York, he's in Pennsylvania, everywhere.  Busy life.  Leaving me here closer to the darkness.

"Hey baby."  He got me on the phone this afternoon.

"Hey there.  How was the interviews going?"  I replied.

"It was all good.  I miss you."

"I miss you too Connor.  You're doing great, right?"

"I had a terrible flu and my voice was cracked up last night.  The guys made a fun of it.  How rude."  He gave me that signature laugh.  "Are you doing well?"

I stopped smiling and walked up to the living room mirror near me.  Oh look at this girl.  She's screwed.  Completely look like an alien.  These big eyes were likely to pop out of my head, even worst.  Pale and bruised skin.  Pale lips.  Messy hair.  Cold.  Freezing.  Trembling hands and legs.  Grasping for air all the time.  Too fast heartbeats.  Dead.

"Babe, you there?"

"Oh yeah."  I swept my tears away.  "You're on TV.  I got you."

"Hahaha...  It's from last night, I guess."

"Looking clean and perfect as usual."  I smiled, with so even more tears steaming down my face.

"No.  You're perfect."  He whispered.  "I miss you so much."

"Me too.  All the way."

"I still can't tell where I'll be home, but when I do, we'll see the sunset again, okay?"

"Okay..."  I mumbled.  "Okay..."

"Alright baby I need to go.  Kiss me?"  He chuckled.

"Bye bye love.  Get back soon."  I replied.

"I love you so much.  Bye baby."

I blinked one more tear.  So bad.  I have got him trapped into my life, that soon was about to go all dark.  So bad.  I dragged him into this endless tears and regrets.  I should have not gone to the wood that day and said yes to any of these.  I forgot he will be spending his time more on the road.  What would I do when I can't even dress myself up?