LOVING THE DARK

Chapter 10

I was wrong.  Hospital was the worst place to be.  Nothing could ever cheer me no matter how many times this senior doctor called me darling, or even when nurses gave me a bouquet of roses.  I hate them all.  But on top of everything, I've already hated myself.  They're just few victims of my frustration.

If you care to ask, I've stopped texting Connor since I got here.  And it's been 3 days.  I have no reason to say hi anymore, just because probably tomorrow, I'll be blind.  And he's having fun doing interviews in all around the States, so why would I bother to check.

"Are they your idol?"  The nurse commented as she injected me whatever liquid to my infusion.

"Idol...yeah."  I mumbled.

"I know them.  Before You Exit is pretty huge right now.  And my little girl, she can't stop screaming singing along I Like That.  Ugh I wish I could stop her..."  She kept ranting on me.

"Oh."  I said in short.  "You done?"

"Just a moment, honey."

I watched their live interview on TV in my room.  Pretty hot mess.  First, it's basically my boyfriend up there talking about their Europe tour.  Second, we haven't talked in days.  Third, I don't want him to come back to Orlando.  Fourth, I don't want to be blind because I miss him.

"That...  Wait, is that..."  The nurse checked my phone wallpaper since I didn't lock the sceeen yet.

"What?"

"Isn't it Connor McDonough?"  She was surprised.  "Him?"

"Him."  I chuckled.  "He's my boyfriend..."

"Oh darling how lucky you are."  Out of the blue the nurse hugged me.  "Then you have to be strong and fight harder, as we find you the donor."

I have no power to debate her words, so just be it.  I stared into her eyes, those couple one with hope within it.  They trusted me.  They always said that I can and will fight til I get my sight back, no matter if I will have to lose it for couple of days.  Funny.  Because I can't see myself fight any longer.

"Thank you...  Nurse Cynthia."  I saw her name tag.

"That's right young lady.  Keep going."  She gave me a hug and left.

Alone again.  Mom was downstairs working, Dad was at his office too.  Everybody has their own stuff to do and being 20 myself, I only sit here waiting for miracle.

I was watching this 1 hour BYE interview as well as texting with Thomas, because he wasn't there and he texted me first, til my eyes started blurry.  I can see stuff near me was going dark.  But wait.  Wait.  Is this...the time...

"DOCTOOOOOOOR!"  I screamed to the top of my lungs.

"Angel, Angel look at me!  It's me!"  Doctor Jared immediately checked my eyes, probably with a flashlight but all I can see was the brightness.  Blurry but bright.

"GIVE ME MY SIGHT BACK!"  I started to cry.

"Ssh...honey hold on I'll be back."

Next time I knew, they laid me down on this bed and everybody started freaking out.  The nurses took this and that, trying to keep me conscious.  But the thing is, I am conscious.  But as much as I wanted to open my eyes wide and awake, it all was vanished already.

"Angel..."  Finally I heard a voice of somebody I know.

"Mom, Mom is that you?"  I tried to grab anything near me.

"Yes honey, and your father too."  Mom held my hands.  "And...Connor is here."

"Do they cover my eyes or something?  Because it's very dark..."  I murmured.

No answer.  I heard nothing but Mom's sobbing voice.  Her grip was tightened in my hands.  So yeah.  Just say it out loud.  I'm blind.

"I'm sorry Angel..."  Doctor Jared, probably it's him, hugged me.

"Stop."  I groaned.  "Just leave me alone."

"Babe..."  This time, I really knew the voice.  "It's me.  I immediately drove here when I found out."

"What are you doing here?"  I tried so hard not to cry.

"I've been around since last night baby, but we're not home yet because of one last interview.  We were in Tampa.  But I'm here now..."  He explained.

"Don't bother Connor.  Leave me."  I cried.

"No I won't."  He grabbed my hands.

"I'll leave you both."  Mom whispered in my ears and kissed my cheek.

I stayed in silence.  Didn't even know where he stood or if he was still here or not.  Too dark.  Too sad.  My boyfriend was home and I can't touch him.  Might as well just kill me.  I hate my body.

"How did you find out?"  I kept my voice lower.

"Your Mom called me.  She knew from hospital, of course.  Just when I was about to surprise you for this afternoon's sunset..."  Connor's voice was shaking.

"I'm not worthy.  Leave me alone."

"You are baby, you are.  You're the most important girl to me."  He kissed my forehead.  "Even to love you in the dark, I would.  Remember?"

"Stop.  It was just a theory."

"Stop blaming yourself.  It's not your fault.  I just should've known this earlier so that I could safe you, or be with you all the time..."

"Connor, it's too dark..."  I whispered between my sob.  "I'm scared..."

"Don't be, baby.  I'm here."

He landed a kiss on my lips, just like the other day.  The amount of sadness that I had was vanished as he locked it up between our lips.  It still felt good.  And frustrating.  I miss kissing him as well as seeing his blue eyes at the same time.

"Now you trust me?  Do I earn your trust?"  He whispered.  "No more interviews baby.  I'll be right beside you til you get it back."

"I'm sorry..."  I cried in darkness.

"Stop it.  Ssh...I'm here."

He hugged me once again.  I know it's him and it's still genuine.  His smell was still the same.  He's still my sassy boy that I've been for a month now.  It's like an unsolved puzzle game for me.  How we met, how we interacted, how I passed out bleeding, how we kissed, how he left me for tour, and how we ended up kissing in the dark.  I only wish this feeling will get the payback.  That I love him with all my heart, hoping he would do the same.