LOVING THE DARK

Chapter 4

I woke up this morning to Mom's voice when she asked me to shower. Today is my check-up schedule. This time for real. Doctor Jared wanted to know the real condition of my thyroid, my throat, and what to do with that.

"What time did you sleep baby?" Mom took my laundry.

"Around 10." I groaned inside. "Why this early Mom?"

"Because I have to work again after lunch time." She smiled. "And Doctor has another surgery after you."

"After me? Sounds like I will get operated." I chuckled.

"I mean after giving you treatment honey. Hey cmon, wake up!" She tickled me playfully til I stood up and walked to the bathroom.

"I'll be out here!" Mom shouted.

"I need no help!" I rolled my eyes. Sometimes my parents treated me like I'm about to die.

"Of course." Mom's voice got lower. Maybe she really wanted to help me. Okay, be it.

I took 15 minutes to wash. I know it's pretty long when you're in hurry. The thing is I can't do anything too fast. There has to be more time for me to do stuff, even to shower. I could be as tired as marathon after shower. That's the result of my inability to maintain my own heartbeats and nerves. Curse the thyroid.

"I'm done... Oww!"

I fell on the floor exactly when I was about to step inside my room again. Mom immediately caught my body without asking. She knew. I have been falling off too often. These knees are full of bruises.

"Watch your steps." Mom noted.

"So hurt..." I whispered biting my lips.

"It's okay I got this." She covered my knee with towel and tied it there for a while til we finished dress up. "Better."

"Hmm, thanks Mom." I nodded.

Then Mom was easily helping me to dress up. It was only a normal floral dress and flat shoes. But my body's still trembling from holding the bruised knee. I couldn't even reach the comb properly because this nerve inside my brain made me can't do it. How frustrating. It's your own body but you can't control it.

"Stop it Angel. Let me do this." Mom combed my hair. "You're so beautiful..."

"I'm absolutely not. I got zero of yours." I smiled to her through the mirror.

"Oh honey, you are. You look better than I am when I was at your age." She teared up a bit. "Cmon, we got this. Let's fight today's battle!"

"Today's battle..." I murmured, staring at this skinny pathetic little girl across the mirror. Probably Mom didn't hear it. "Feels like everyday's battle."

When Dad's ready 10 minutes later, at the very 7.30 am, Mom and Dad drove me to hospital. This white smelly building again. I hate how people invented hospital, really. They pushed me to stay there all day everyday.

"Good morning my sweetheart." Doctor Jared kissed my forehead.

"Morning Doc." I raised my eyebrows.

"Ready to be checked?" He rubbed my shoulders.

I left that question in silence. Seriously, why would you ask. Something like I command this thyroid to live within me.

"She's ready." Mom politely broke the ice. "Let's go honey."

I just walked with them, going inside this multiple rooms til we stopped in the whole white room. There were 2 nurses. Started from here, Mom has to leave me alone. The nurses would take care of me. And yeah, they asked me to unbutton my dress and changed with hospital check-up clothes. I would be going inside this high radioactive room, so that Doctor Jared and lab staff could scan my body, head to toe, and find the missing links.