LOVING THE DARK

Chapter 9

"Oh darling...  Didn't expect I will meet you here.  What can I help you?"  Doctor Jared stopped me on my way up to his room.

"Doctor, you have a minute?"  I spoke in a serious tone.

"Of course.  All day for you.  Let's go."  He led me up.  "Why can't I see your parents?"

"Because I went alone."  I answered quickly.

"Something bothers you.  What is it?"  He took off his white coat.

"Have you found the donor?"  I went straight to the point.

"Absolutely..." 

"You lied." 

"Angel, my love.  It's not easy to find it.  But surely I have contacted all my fellow doctor friends, hospitals, even to New York.  You're on the top of my list."

"It's not good enough."  I started to crack up.  "I don't want it take over my sight before you find the cure, Doctor!"

"It's still too long...  We have time."  Doctor tried to calm me.

"Really?  How long?  What can you tell about this?"

I just killed him with that question.  Sorry not sorry but I wanted a real answer instead of 'soon' and 'not now'.  Tired of that all.  I wanted to know what to tell Connor when he finds out.  His life is also on the line.

"Let me speak to your parents first." 

"Nonsense!"  I screamed.  "For God's sake Doctor, seriously, find that donor!  I beg you! It's my eyes, my sight, and please help me I don't want to lose it!"

I stormed out of his room, leaving some nurses with their shocked expression.  I didn't bother to say hi.  They're not helping that much either.  I felt like my life was so much at stake.  At first, I knew I was ready to lose my sight.  But considering now, I can't be blind when Connor go home from his trip.  I don't want to lose what's mine.

"Angel...?"  Mom noticed me at the lobby when I was about to leave to the bus station.

"Mom?  Don't you have to work?  Why coming out?"  I stuttered.  My plan was screwed.

"What are you doing here?  Do we have next meeting with Doctor Jared?" She checked today's date.  "Supposed to be tomorrow, honey."

"I...  I know, I missed the date."  I waved goodbye.

"Hey lovely, are you okay?"  Mom ran after me.

"Fine Mom, I'll take the bus home.  It's the schedule, I can't be late."  I kissed her cheek and ran away.

Dang it.  Everything was misplaced.  What kind of treatment should I do again?  Because at home, I felt like it's nowhere to improve.  I was dead already.  Wish I could easily give it up.  But if you were me, wouldn't you fight?

Yesterday was a mess.  I woke up to my messy room and opened curtain.  Not sure if Mom came here this early because she told me she was coming home late last night.  And Mom would never make it on time in the morning after long extended working hours.  So yeah, I messed my room up.  Laptop was one, I skyped Connor last night.  Phone was nothing but 5% left.  And today is a big day.  I'm planning to do it.  Alright, let's make it up.

"Breakfast, breakfast."  Dad smiled at me as I was walking down slowly, holding onto the stairs handrail.

"Morning."  I cleared my throat.

"Thyrozol?"  Dad asked me to catch my medicine.

"Of course."  I nodded.  "Where's Mom?"

"Just another 5 minutes."  Dad raised his eyebrows.  "It's like 30 minutes ago."

"Hahaha..."  I ate my sandwich in awkward move.

"Okay! Let's go." Mom shouted from upstairs.

I nodded and finished my meal. Dad was waiting for us in the car as Mom locked all house before we left.  Next time I know, we're in our car going to the hospital. Next check.  Probably the 100th check of the month.  I'm tired to be honest, but yeah let's do this.

"Ready, honey?"  Mom hugged me.

"Do I have another choice?" I chuckled.  "Alright nurse I know what to do."

"Alright Angel." The nurse who's inside the radioactive room with me nodded. "We shall walk further."

Okay. I don't have to tell you anymore, that they made me sleep again. I didn't know for how long, but I woke up to this white room again.

"What's the result?" Soon once I was awake, I asked Mom.

"Just wait for Doctor Jared first, honey."

"Good afternoon darling. Glad we meet again.". Doctor came in with a result in his hands, looking stiff and awkward.

"And the result is...?" I asked.

"You have less than a week. Maximum 4 days. That's only if this medicine goes well as we expected." He explained.

"The chance?" I looked away.

"30%..." Doctor Jared bowed his head. "The donor is on its way darling. But we don't know yet."

"Told you." I shed some tears. "I'm gonna lose it before we know it."

"Look. The worst case is you will be blind but only for few days. I'm trying so hard contacting New York."

"Thank you doc, really appreciate it."

I looked across the window, which brought me straight to the city view down there. Soon I will lose this. Soon there'll be no more sunset date. Soon Mom will never have to open up the curtain in my room because I couldn't see it anyway.

"But Doctor," I finally spoke. "Let me stay in here."

"Darling, what do you mean?" He stopped.

"Let me stay in here. I want to be here. I don't wanna go home." I started to cry harder.

"You're still fine..." Mom hugged my shoulders.

"I can't be at home." I deepened my voice. "Please."

"Okay..." Doctor Jared glared my Mom and nodded. "Nurse will take care of it."

So yeah, effective immediately, I stayed in the hospital. One solid reason why I can't be at home is the possibility of Connor. He'll be home soon and find out about me. No. I want him to just let me disappear and forget about me. I can't get him go further into my darkness.